The First of May!...oh wait it's only March

I know I am not the only one that feels like it should be spring already. I know that winter doesn't usually end for us until close to the end of March. Which is a whole month away from now. This is very depressing, but looking back at the past couple of months, they've gone by pretty fast. Which is also quite scary, because looking back at those months, I did nothing extraordinarily productive... my life has been somewhat put on hold.

I have got some good things going though. I invested in a can of paint to paint my what is a dining room but is going to be an office space until I build my studio. Which brings me to the work that I have been doing on my business, that's been pretty productive, BUT I also looked at it at another angle and realized that it's still going to be a good year or so before I can get enough money together to pitch my business and get a loan. So I'm still going to have to do it un-offcially for awhile. My mac is almost at it's 3 year mark and it's feeling it. Any that knows me, know that I am not a gentle person, I'm tough on shit and am always breaking things. I hate this about myself and I try to be more careful, but I'm always breaking something. People think it's because I'm careless, but really shit just kept happening, so I try to care LESS when it does so that I'm not crying all the time about the shit that I break lol Anyway, I was also examining my main lens which is almost four years old, and it too is having some issues, might be an easy fix, it just doesn't seem to be attaching to my camera body correctly.
Back to good things. I hosted an epicure party last night, because I love their products! I like that it's somewhat healthy dip, by that I mean that it's better for you than stuff you by at the store, and really tasty! I'm doing quite good in sales and hopefully will get just a little bit more so I can get some more free stuff! My next thing isn't productive, but it did make my happy, I'm all caught up on New Girl, I am a little bit in love with Zoey Deschanel, or maybe alot and I think she's just perfection. The show always makes me good about life, so I've just been watching that the past two days. Oh and I'm sleeping alot, but I like sleep so that doesn't bother me, I'm really just mixed up, I sleep most of the day and stay up all night. I'm backwards, that's what happens when I have nothing to do. I prefer being awake at night.

My biggest and final awesome thing is that I am down to 222.5 which I am excited about.

Stay Happy!

First Weigh In Wednesday!

I was weighing myself on Sunday's, but I thought I would hope on board with gym buddy/friend BaileyJ of BeingBaileyJ and do it on "Weigh In Wednesdays" just cause it sounds better. So it's been alittle over a week since I weighed myself. That is kind of a fib, because I try not to weigh myself on in between days, but I can be alittle obsessive and jump on the scale and peak at my weight. I just don't let that number bother me. I think it was sunday that I jumped on the scale - because that's when I would have if I wasn't transitioning weigh in days, anyway I had gained a couple pounds and I knew it was all weight from being snowed in so I told myself not to worry and that I could work it off. When I started trying to lose weight a couple weeks ago I was 227.9 or something, on sunday I was 229.6 and today (wednesday I jumped on the scale and was 224.0! so I have lost 5.6 pounds since sunday... BUT I'm not going to count that cheat weigh in, so I am counting it as losing from the 227.9 which means I've lost a 3.9 pounds. Not too shabby, I'm still proud.
I haven't had much of an appetite these past couple of weekdays. I have been eating but I've been aware of what I am eating. I think the biggest difference in the past couple of days has been my sleeping. I have been really off schedule and sleeping until 1 or 2 in the afternoon! I haven't done this since highschool. I love to sleep, I'm sure why, but I seriously LOVE sleeping. I love feeling cozy and warm, I love dreaming when it's not nightmares. Last night I had nightmares that whole night, so I slept past my workout date and now I'll have to go to emerg tomorrow morning instead. I have also had a couple other motivations to feel good about myself and be aware of what I'm consuming and make sure that I'm physical throughout the day. I have missed two workouts, but sleeping was nice and I worked up a little sweat cleaning my basement and lunging all the jars up out of it. Today I'm doing more cleaning and I'm going to make sure I fit in some crunches and other things I can do at home.

Last night Bailey, Ashley, her family and Parents and I went out to celebrate her 23rd birthday over supper! I don't think I know a more loving and hilarious family. I've always adored them, so it was a real treat for me to be included in the festivities. We all chatted and laughed over our meal while watching Ashley's little boy Ryker go elbows deep in coleslaw. I had two pieces of fish with rice, but I forgot to order panfried and not deep, but oh well it was tasty anyway. We all went back to Ashley and Pat's after supper for some Igloo cake that Lianne (Ashley's mom) had made and what a great cake it was! I was pretty full after supper so I only allowed myself a small slice and was proud that I didn't go back for seconds after my stomach had settled. Another thing I did without even noticing until I went to bed and thought about it was when I came home and did house work at 10pm I had worked up alittle appetite, I hate eating late at night, but I've been staying up for late that really 10pm was just an afternoon snack. So I crackled open my bag of mini rice cakes and I set it down after probably 15 of them and GAVE the rest to my mom... I may be getting ill, I'm not sure. But I almost always eat the whole bag and I hardly EVER share my favorite snacks haha that's an only child thing.

I'm pretty proud of myself at this moment and all these things make me want to keep trying harder.

Stay Happy People!

ps. I saw this photo and it basically is the point of my blog most of the time.

Burn Baby Burn

So, I've been alittle slack lately with working out, but I've been keeping up with eating right. Life's been kicking me in the ass hard and I really just needed to get out and have some fun and maybe consume some sugary beverages that may have impaired my judgement some. That was my treat. On a high note, even though I started out with a bad day, I made myself hit the gym with the girls. I worked my tush off for an hour and a half and I LOVE how I feel after a good work out, I went grocery shopping after I was done at the gym and I was bouncing around the isles like I was hyped up on energy drinks.
I'm trying to be super positive even though life has been dealing me an awful hand. I have no water at my house...again, I have no money to fix any thing, I have all kinds of free time after being laid off (more time to hit the gym right?...and sleep in, cause who doesn't like to sleep) and I'm not too excited about living out of a suitcase until I have water. BUT I'm still happy, I still have family to let me crash at their houses, I still have good friends, food and I'm alive. Thats what matters. No matter what life throws at me, I will get through it.

I have a weigh in this saturday and I would really like to see some results by then, so I've got a long week at the gym ahead of me.
What's your favorite thing to do at the gym? I LOVE that stepper and I don't think I have ever heard anyone else say that. Maybe I'm the only one. I was never one for weights, but now I've really started to enjoy it.

Have a great day and

Stay Happy!

Snap Out Of It

Gee, I'm not even sure if I should make this post. I feel like such a whiny baby if I do. But life has been straight-up real for just alittle over a month. And really I commend myself for not being in a depressive state right now. I have struggled with depression for over a year now, last year I was in the worse condition I'd ever been in. I wouldn't get out of bed and I just didn't want to face life. The absolutely stupid part of it, was I really had NOTHING to be depressed about other than the fact that I didn't want to live in the city anymore.
Then I take a look at my life right now and think "WTF Robyn...you had it good a year ago!" In the past month I've lost an immediate family member to the sea, left my long term relationship behind (which I was happy about because it was a toxic relationship and he's not the guy I fell inlove with, but I miss who he was before the alcohol), the pipes in my house frozen, I have mice in my house, I just got laid off and it's the first anniversary of a friends death. So this has been an awful month and even though I have my breakdowns I'm in alot better shape than a year ago.

The main reason I am writing this post is to just vent once again. Like I said I hate talking about it or even thinking about it because I feel like I'm whiny and that I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I know that I am better off without my ex and who he is now, but alittle less than a year ago I thought we would get back together and stay that way. That things would stick this time and that I wouldn't have to worry. But the longer we were together and the more he drank the less unrealistic that became. I don't hate him and I have forgiven him, but I'm still so hurt. Not even by him but by myself. For planning a future and now having to deal with re-planning and I can't help but plan or try to. And it sounds so cliche, but I don't even know if I believe in love anymore. I've always been a skeptic and a "you love the one your with" type person. But the world is so much colder now, or it seems that way. It's a real miracle when you find a couple that stays together. Faithfulness is a real treasure to find in someone these days and I don't just mean in men.

I've been so lonely and not only do I hate living alone, I HATE that I'm not independent. There are two TOTALLY opposite parts of me. I have this cold, hard, tough side of me that doesn't ever want to feel anything and doesn't want to cry or be vulnerable and then I have the huge baby side of me that wants to do exactly what the other one doesn't. It really makes for a confusing life haha. Like one side of me wants to hate my ex and the other wants to curl into a ball and sob that she's alone and misses him holding her at night. Because really he wasn't all bad. We really did love each other, but in the end it came down to what he decided, I know he didn't understand that he was making ultimate decisions when he chose to do certain things, but those were deal breakers for me. I don't want to be constantly wondering if I can trust him or not, if he's going to be doing this or that behind my back or if he's really telling the truth or if later he's going to trip up in his lies and I'll realize that something was really wrong instead of right. But I really miss having someone there.
I'm the type of person that hates having a void in her life. When something goes missing I want to replace it right away, replace is the wrong word - but I need to fill a hole once something goes missing. Not that I don't want to remember what once was there, but that I can't handle not having it. When I have a pet die, I need to get another one, I need to love something else or have something else love me. And I substitute things - mostly food - for things that go wrong or missing. I hate that I'm that way. I hate that I NEED things. I hate that I can't just accept stuff and move on. So I'm trying really hard not to find a substitute for my ex. I want to be alone for awhile, or one side of me wants to be alone for awhile, when the other side really just wants to mail order a man and marry him. But I'm keeping myself real and off the mail order websites hahaha

As far as being laid off and being on call for work, I'm somewhat glad to have some time to work on my weight loss! I'm hitting the gym hardcore and rocking that shit. I want to be a decent size for summer and be able to be comfortable and have some fun!

There Are Good Days and Bad Days

So I'm not getting as much done and I wanted to be. That doesn't surprise me though, I'm a huge procrastinator, but lately I've only been "abit" of a procrastinator. So improvement is improvement. Plus I caught a cold from my girl at work and I've been a bit hard to motivate through the sneezing and coughing.

This isn't about work or house stuff, this is a Weight Loss Adventure post. A quick one. Because I've been sick and the babies at work aren't feeling that great, I missed today's workout and yesterday I skipped the gym, but walked for over an hour on a field trip with the kids. It wasn't an extensive work out like I've been pushing myself to do, but hey I got outdoors and was active, so I'm still giving myself points. PLUS it was way more fun than the gym. And I'm not counting today as a total fail, because I did eat mostly good things and got some exercise in before making this post, just some stuff I could do in my room, and I went until I got coughing, it's the best I could do. The point there is I'm still trying and pushing myself through this cold. Even if it's not the workout I want to get. Effort counts and I didn't just give in completely.

OH!! and yesterday morning when I weighed myself. I was down 6 pounds from the last time I was weighed at the beginning of december. Still up from when I lost a bunch of weight last winter, but I WILL lose it again. Anyway, I was at 227.9 yesterday morning and this morning I didn't plan to check cause it was just a day, but I was 226.4! I won't be checking again until next week, but I did it for curiosity sake.

Tomorrow I want to get in the gym despite my cold. Even for just a half hour and do some low key stuff. I won't be able to make the gym on Friday, because the memorial is Friday night and it's going to be an extremely hard weekend that I am just not looking forward to. So I want to get atleast one more work out in this week before I get off for my long sad weekend.

I also need to get my wii-fit out and start using that, even as just a tracker rather than the games, although I need to work on my balance. I used to be pretty good, but lately it's been way off. And I need to take my before photos...which I am not looking forward to and will not be posting until I lose enough weight to feel that it's not so embarrassing to post!

But no more being embarrassed about my weight. I am NOT embarrassed that I am trying to change it and I've had my struggles but this time I'm going to win the battle against unhealthy living! :) Corny but true.

Here are some photos!

Yesterday's meal. I've been eating so many veggies/salads and I'm so
proud of myself because I'm a fruit kinda of girl. I like things sweet! I
only ended up eating 2, maybe three bites of steak because I'm not used
to an oven that cooks so fast and it got alittle dry, so Tinka ended up with
quite the supper. She had no complaints lol

Larissa, Dar and I took some of the kids for a walk around the campground and down through the boardwalk.
We walked for over an hour and it was quite the adventure. Bug was the youngest and he did quite well for
himself. Until the end when him and 2 other boys fell in a very cold puddle. 

My LoveBug is growing up so fast, off the boards and running through
the woods with the big boys! 

Warrin was falling alittle behind. He'd rather hold my hand than risk falling (I say that, but really he spent
more time on his bum than his feet) but when he held my hand he felt alittle better cause he did alot more
sliding on purpose because he knew I had a good grip on him. He's been my right hand man the past couple
of days. What a sweetheart!

Thats all for tonight folks! I guess it was half about work and half about weight, but how can you blame me for talking about these cute little guys! My job and my work kids are my life these days :)

Stay Happy!

Just A Quick Post

So, the babies are still napping so I wanted to post a quick positive post about how awesome my workout was today. I mean it's nothing special, because it's only my second one, but I ran alittle bit today and pushed myself to keep going. That's why I am proud of myself today, usually I don't push myself, because I'm afraid of looking silly at the gym. But now that I work with kids and am pretty much used to making myself look like a tool, it didn't bother me. I worked out for an hour and I found some different exercises to try out and now that I'm done my workout I have just as much energy as I do before I go it bed. It's so exciting to me and you know I used to be so afraid of what I looked like when I worked out, but that's not the point of it, I'm over that it's all about how I'm going to look when I've been working out for a couple months!

Eating salads and working out has really made a difference in my attitude and motivation. I think tomorrow I will even take the awful step of weighing myself and doing a "before" photo...duh duh dun!

I'm going to start my money jar today and my pounds to lose/pounds loss jar tomorrow!

Stay Happy and Focused!!

NO More Excuses!

I know what you're all thinking. Here's another weight loss post and a year from now she'll make the same one.

I fell off the wagon. Not only did I fall off of it but it dragged me a couple miles and backed up over me. I had lost a good chuck of weight off my body a year ago, but then I got into a relationship, became lazy and didn't really care too much about it anymore. It wasn't the healthiest of relationships so I put some of the blame on it, but ultimately it is my fault. I am the only one that had the control to change my weight and I let go of that control.

So what am I going to do about it? Be 10 times better than I was the last time I lost the weight. The last time I really didn't do too much, just changed my eating, kept track of it and kept busy. I didn't exercise or care too much about how I lost it as long as I lost it. This time as my awesome single self, I am going to do so much more to further my weight loss adventure.
I'm choosing to call it my weight loss adventure partly because journey is way too common and when I use the word adventure I think of something daring and exciting, filled with epic stories and some bad days too. And really that's what my weight loss is all about. I want it to be an adventure, something exciting! So that is what I am going to make it this time.

I will try to have frequent posts about my weight loss adventure, along with "The Recipe Challenge" which will be me trying new recipes. I was a very picking person until I was about 16, and I still find myself eating alot of the same things, partly because it's habit and easier to cook what I know and it might be alittle cheaper because I don't really buy too much. So along with The Recipe Challenge will be my Single With A House / Home-Owning Adventures posts.
I really want to harness my blogging power to help me keep on track with everything, I'm writing this at night before I go to bed, and I tend to have all my energy and optimism at this time of the day. But I'm getting really good at keep on track and organized with my life.

Here are some "weighs" I plan to keep on track with my Weight Loss Adventure

1.

I'm going to start putting Happy and Sad faces on my calendar
at the end of the day. Hoping that there will be more good days
than bad to encourage me to keep going and make progress! 

2.

Make something like this that can keep track

3.

Each time I work out I put a dollar in the jar. (maybe
even a toonie) But point is I don't believe in food
rewards. I am not a dog, plus I know that there will be
days when my eating isn't all that healthy, so I don't
want to encourage that. I have rewards like new clothes
and a new tattoo in a place that may not have been so
attractive when I'm this heavy.

4.

I want TRY to plan my meals a week even a month in advance. To hopefully help
out my wallet, weight and organizing. 

5.

Keep researching exercises, tips, recipes and more to keep me going.

6.

Eat alot of salad. I'm not a big fan of salads, but I find when I
pretend I do or even be optimistic about eating them they
taste better. I want to try different salad recipes and try to eat
clean. I may even try a cleanse too.

7. Stay Inspired! Read about others going through the same thing or ones that have already reached their goal and how they stay there.

this girl kinda reminds me of myself (her before) that's
about the same look I have (a bit heavier) but DAMN
wouldn't I love to have the same outcome!! She's smokin!
and didn't lose all her boobs! I have a fear of losing my
boobs.

I love when I can see faces in before and after photos, partly because sometimes I feel like they can be fake, but
when you can see their face you KNOW that they kicked weights ass. I also like when I see more than 1
year between the photos, because it makes me feel realize that I'm not the only one that either can't lose weight
in 6 months and they too struggled at it, and some of us just have to work harder to lose it and wait longer
for it to happen. 

8. Photos of what I would like to look like! Don't get me wrong I would love to be skinny (skinny healthy, not skinny skinny) but that's not what I am shooting for at the moment. I am shooting for juicy healthy. toned healthy. Because to be honest I like being "juicy" and "curvy" I'm torn between being skinny or being a toned plus size like these girls.

I would LOVE to look like this woman right here. THIS is what I am shooting
for! and I like she is the most gorgeous woman I have seen! And this is the
body that I would love to have. 

Stay Happy and Stay Focused!!!

Covered In Tats

So during my insomnia I decided that I would do some pin-cleaning and picked my Tattoo's and Piercings board, because although at one point I thought I would like to have all kinds of tattoos, and I will probably get many more than the 2 that I have, I thought that almost 200 pins was alittle un-realistic. Really? There can't be close to 200 tattoos that I want. Most of them were just quotes that I liked and if I got every quote that I like tattooed on my body, I would probably have more words than a dictionary.
I'm glad that I am one of those people that thinks for atleast 6-12 months about a tattoo before getting it. My first was really only a couple of months and although I love it, I still kinda question it sometimes, but it's there for good, so might as well love it. I put it there for a reason and it reminds me everyday - or everyday that I remember that it's there because it's on my back and I forget about it sometimes. And I can't say that the only reason I'm not littered in tats is because I'm a sensible young lady, but more that I'm a broke young lady and have to say up to pay for it, so I might as well make sure I want it.
Most of my tattoo's that I have picked out are rewards for WHEN (yes when cause eventually it's gonna happen and hopefully soon) I lose weight, because lets me honest most of the ones I want are on parts of my body that just aren't the "smooth"est surface right now.
As I was going through and deleting about 100 of them, they kept getting worse and worse. Like seriously Robyn? This tattoo right here inspired you somehow or interested you at one point? Not that it isn't great art or that it's an awful tattoo and whoever got it should be ashamed, but because it isn't me at all! I used to have a very strict thought on tattoo's, I hated anything that didn't make sense to me, I didn't like colored tattoos and most of the time I only liked words because I questioned why people got big back tattoo's and sleeves. But after leaving my rock of a home and going to art school my mind changed. A friend of mine was getting a sleeve and she didn't really care what she got, she just wanted the tattoo artist to create something. Me being someone who will only get a tattoo that has some sort of meaning to her thought this was an out landish idea and couldn't wrap her mind around it. I asked her why she wasn't getting something that had meaning to her and she said "Think of it as if you are going into an art gallery and one of your favorite artist has pieces hanging there for sale. You spend 200.00 on a piece of that art to hang on your wall at home. One of my favorite artists just happens to do originals and right on my body and I can carry it where-ever I go." This completely changed my way of thinking about tattoos, especially because I have such an appreciation for art. But because I was thinking of tattoos as something for only me and no one else, I hadn't thought of the artist themselves and that they like to create pieces of art on a canvas made of skin. So now I am much more open to more artistic tattoos and not just something that has a deep sense of meaning to me.

My tattoo's that I do have really don't appeal to most people, my second one does because it is cute, but has meaning to me. And just to address the "tattoos are addictive" saying, I swear by it. I love the feeling of getting a tattoo and after I my second was finished I remember sitting there trying to think of something else that I could get done right after, just because I didn't want him to stop.

#1 at the very top of my back - something I came up with myself during
a time when I was a bit mad at the world or the people on it. This one
I kinda question sometimes and think maybe I should have thought
about it some more before getting it, but it was my first and who cares
really? 

#2 on my left wrist 

This was the original that I had found online, I photoshopped
my own touches into it and liked it so much more when than this one. 

Here are some of the ones that I would like to get in the future

I would really love these three tattooed, I lack amounts
of some of them and have too much of others. All three
compounds have an impact on my life.

this is an example. I will definitely be tattooing Tinka
and Miles paw pints on me. If I did it for every pet I
would be covered, but I still think about it. Tinka
has been my bestest friend through everything and I
pretty much consider her my first child. As for Miles
he has already begun to teach my patience, and his
special needs not only brought me understanding, but
a smile when I need it most. 

A friend and I have talked about getting matching tattoos
and the Lion King as always been our movie, this tattoo
has always been a favorite, so I am definitely bringing it
up to her tomorrow. 

one of my reward tattoo ideas, when I
have a flat back I would love to get this.

Like I said before I am not one for color tattoos or sleeves, but when I saw this I
stopped breathing for a second. Not sure if it's a real tattoo or photoshopped, but I
love it all the same and would love to have it some day if I ever get a sleeve, if not
the one below I also adore.

Stay Happy :)

-robyn

Do It For...

So I've given up junk food and I've been doing good, but I have been craving sugar candy something awful. That's my weakness, I love penny candies. And it's so hard to give up something, I was whining one day because I wanted something sugary, but I won't give up on this challenge. My aunt is doing it with me but I haven't been around her alot, because she's working and I'm not because things just keep happening to set the nursery opening back and I'm so eager to get back to a routine, but it's just not happening right now. Anyway, I said to Justin that he should quit something to help support me because I feel so alone in this haha living with three smokers ( I'm a nonsmoker ) and then on top of that they're all munching down and I'm eating my raw carrots and hiding in my room haha. I nudged at the idea of him quitting smoking again but he rejected the idea, so I pushed alittle harder and he said "You don't understand what it's like to try to quit smoking" I gave him that "are you serious?!" look and said "Do you know how hard it is to give up junkfood, food is my addiction" So he said that it wasn't the same thing and that is wouldn't be that hard to eat healthy. This is the guy that puts 3 spoonfuls of sugar in his coffee plus half the bottle of french vanilla...eats chips before bed and wakes up two times in the night for toast. So I said "If it's so easy I challenge you to stop eating junk food and eat healthy." So he accepted and has done okay for the past two days, but I'm pretty sure he's still drinking his coffee the same.

Because I have been having such a hard time staying away from the sweets I've been going over the reasons I am doing this and everything I want to get out of my weightloss so I'm going to make a list to myself on here.

1. Do it for your health. 

2. Do it for the fashion, the new wardrobe and clothing possibilities, the pretty dresses, backless tops, short shorts, skinny jeans, leggings, lingerie and more. Especially the bathing suits!

3. Do it for the collar bones. 

4. Do it for the wrist bones.

5. Do it for the possible side tattoos and hip tattoos.

6. Do it for the awe if it. 

7. Do it for the before and after shock. 

8. Do it for the pride and confidence. 

9. Do it for stares.

10. Do it to feel like my body fits me. 

There are many more reasons but I am completely involved with the seasons of the l word so I'm not completely focused and I'm getting tired so I need to join my sleep talking boyfriend - when he gets alittle intoxicated he sleeping gets quite humorous - and get some rest. 

My new tattoo I got the other day! it was inspired by a
tattoo I found of two birds, but I added the bluejay's
head feathers. 

Stay Happy!

My Weight Loss Journey

I always wanted to be a skinny girl, but I was always the chubby one. I never really let it bother me through my middle school and high school years, or I tried not to let others see that it bothered me. I was a high spirited, bubbly girl, so most of my high school days I can remember with a smile on my face. But I do remember wanting to be "pretty" like my friends and not having any self confidence.

As I went into my first year of college I wasn't a single girl, so I didn't really care too much about impressing anyone. But after my break up at the end of my second year I told myself how fucking awesome I was and did a little "inside" make over. I told myself that I wasn't going to get any self confidence by putting myself down and thinking that I was a fat slob. So I started looking at myself differently, I thought "Well I'm in this body, might as well try to love it as best I can." So I stopped negatively telling myself that I needed to get "thin" and started to worry less about it and just love myself. In May 2011 my attitude was starting to improve and my self confidence started to grow despite the number on the scale. To be honest I don't even know what my weight was at the time, because I just wasn't ready to find out yet. So I went the whole summer working, partying, laughing, and having a crazy awesome time. 

It was time to go back to college and I was a whole different Robyn then I had been at the beginning of 2011. I wasn't afraid to be myself. I accepted everything about myself, all the bad, the good, the strange and even the fucking crazy, mental, wtf parts of me. I was completely myself, robyn guptill and there was no one in the world just like me. 

At the end of October 2011 I decided that it was time for a lifestyle change. I started watching what I ate, keeping track of calories I consumed, eating better things for me instead of junk and trying new foods. AND the biggest thing for me was...I stepped on the scale. I was 227-228 and I was okay with that, because my new attitude could handle it, the old robyn would have burst into tears and immediately started putting herself down and think it was the end of the world. So I started to think of ways I could change it. In the first few weeks of watching what I ate and putting good food into my body instead of junk, I lost around 13 pounds. It was just junk weight that was on my body and melted away. But then the Christmas holiday came and I lost track, but I did get an awesome workout in with, Bailey from beingbaileyj.com - check her out, her weight loss journey is amazing! 

I really wasn't pushing myself to lose weight, I was just living happily, eating better and accepting who I was. OH! and another reason that I was trying to get my weight down is because my younger cousin, Jackson, is graduating and he asked me to the grand march for his prom. Him and I have been at each others throats our whole lives, so the family was surprised to hear that he wanted me to go with him. Him and his brother are the closest things I have to brothers. I love those boys. So I wanted to look damn hot for my second go at grand march, but more on that later. 

It is now the end of March and I just weighed myself today. I am down to 202.2 and it feels great! The funniest thing about weight lose to me is I don't even notice it and people are always coming up to me and saying "oh my goodness you look great! have you lost weight" and I see myself everyday so I don't notice is so I always reply with something like "ahhh, yeah alittle...I guess, but not really." This person probably hasn't seen my in months, so I don't get that shock of how different I look. 

Here are some photos. I really had to look around facebook, because I hate being in photos, mostly because of my weight. These before photos are from summer 2011. 

I worked at SwallowTail Lighthouse for the summer. This is my lovely Island, Grand Manan. Everyone should come here atleast once in their lives.

I was probably around 230 pounds in the summer, give or take a few pounds.

I'm a photographer and currently struggling to get to graduation. I'll probably complain about this more in another post. 

And drumroll...This is me just a couple nights ago

It's quite a difference when I put the photos side by side. And coming down to 202 is a big accomplishment for me. I was 16 the last time I made a weight loss change like this. But at that age I was down to 170. Hopefully someday I'll be back down there. 

I'm hoping to get back into working harder to lose weight. I'm going to hop on board Bailey's 195 challenge, but maybe make it 190 or 185. I had expected to gain weight back because I was really sick for a couple weeks and could barely eat and that actually made me drop 7 pounds, down to 204, so I was expecting to have gone up, but instead I went down 2. But anyway, I really hope that there are lots of others out there fighting for their dream to get themselves healthy :) Just remember that you're all beautiful no matter what the number on the scale is. You have to learn to love yourself the way you are before you can make good changes in the best way possible!! 

Have a great day!