So, I've been alittle slack lately with working out, but I've been keeping up with eating right. Life's been kicking me in the ass hard and I really just needed to get out and have some fun and maybe consume some sugary beverages that may have impaired my judgement some. That was my treat. On a high note, even though I started out with a bad day, I made myself hit the gym with the girls. I worked my tush off for an hour and a half and I LOVE how I feel after a good work out, I went grocery shopping after I was done at the gym and I was bouncing around the isles like I was hyped up on energy drinks.
I'm trying to be super positive even though life has been dealing me an awful hand. I have no water at my house...again, I have no money to fix any thing, I have all kinds of free time after being laid off (more time to hit the gym right?...and sleep in, cause who doesn't like to sleep) and I'm not too excited about living out of a suitcase until I have water. BUT I'm still happy, I still have family to let me crash at their houses, I still have good friends, food and I'm alive. Thats what matters. No matter what life throws at me, I will get through it.
I have a weigh in this saturday and I would really like to see some results by then, so I've got a long week at the gym ahead of me.
What's your favorite thing to do at the gym? I LOVE that stepper and I don't think I have ever heard anyone else say that. Maybe I'm the only one. I was never one for weights, but now I've really started to enjoy it.
Have a great day and
Stay Happy!
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
Friday, 25 January 2013
Snap Out Of It
Gee, I'm not even sure if I should make this post. I feel like such a whiny baby if I do. But life has been straight-up real for just alittle over a month. And really I commend myself for not being in a depressive state right now. I have struggled with depression for over a year now, last year I was in the worse condition I'd ever been in. I wouldn't get out of bed and I just didn't want to face life. The absolutely stupid part of it, was I really had NOTHING to be depressed about other than the fact that I didn't want to live in the city anymore.
Then I take a look at my life right now and think "WTF Robyn...you had it good a year ago!" In the past month I've lost an immediate family member to the sea, left my long term relationship behind (which I was happy about because it was a toxic relationship and he's not the guy I fell inlove with, but I miss who he was before the alcohol), the pipes in my house frozen, I have mice in my house, I just got laid off and it's the first anniversary of a friends death. So this has been an awful month and even though I have my breakdowns I'm in alot better shape than a year ago.
The main reason I am writing this post is to just vent once again. Like I said I hate talking about it or even thinking about it because I feel like I'm whiny and that I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I know that I am better off without my ex and who he is now, but alittle less than a year ago I thought we would get back together and stay that way. That things would stick this time and that I wouldn't have to worry. But the longer we were together and the more he drank the less unrealistic that became. I don't hate him and I have forgiven him, but I'm still so hurt. Not even by him but by myself. For planning a future and now having to deal with re-planning and I can't help but plan or try to. And it sounds so cliche, but I don't even know if I believe in love anymore. I've always been a skeptic and a "you love the one your with" type person. But the world is so much colder now, or it seems that way. It's a real miracle when you find a couple that stays together. Faithfulness is a real treasure to find in someone these days and I don't just mean in men.
I've been so lonely and not only do I hate living alone, I HATE that I'm not independent. There are two TOTALLY opposite parts of me. I have this cold, hard, tough side of me that doesn't ever want to feel anything and doesn't want to cry or be vulnerable and then I have the huge baby side of me that wants to do exactly what the other one doesn't. It really makes for a confusing life haha. Like one side of me wants to hate my ex and the other wants to curl into a ball and sob that she's alone and misses him holding her at night. Because really he wasn't all bad. We really did love each other, but in the end it came down to what he decided, I know he didn't understand that he was making ultimate decisions when he chose to do certain things, but those were deal breakers for me. I don't want to be constantly wondering if I can trust him or not, if he's going to be doing this or that behind my back or if he's really telling the truth or if later he's going to trip up in his lies and I'll realize that something was really wrong instead of right. But I really miss having someone there.
I'm the type of person that hates having a void in her life. When something goes missing I want to replace it right away, replace is the wrong word - but I need to fill a hole once something goes missing. Not that I don't want to remember what once was there, but that I can't handle not having it. When I have a pet die, I need to get another one, I need to love something else or have something else love me. And I substitute things - mostly food - for things that go wrong or missing. I hate that I'm that way. I hate that I NEED things. I hate that I can't just accept stuff and move on. So I'm trying really hard not to find a substitute for my ex. I want to be alone for awhile, or one side of me wants to be alone for awhile, when the other side really just wants to mail order a man and marry him. But I'm keeping myself real and off the mail order websites hahaha
As far as being laid off and being on call for work, I'm somewhat glad to have some time to work on my weight loss! I'm hitting the gym hardcore and rocking that shit. I want to be a decent size for summer and be able to be comfortable and have some fun!
Then I take a look at my life right now and think "WTF Robyn...you had it good a year ago!" In the past month I've lost an immediate family member to the sea, left my long term relationship behind (which I was happy about because it was a toxic relationship and he's not the guy I fell inlove with, but I miss who he was before the alcohol), the pipes in my house frozen, I have mice in my house, I just got laid off and it's the first anniversary of a friends death. So this has been an awful month and even though I have my breakdowns I'm in alot better shape than a year ago.
The main reason I am writing this post is to just vent once again. Like I said I hate talking about it or even thinking about it because I feel like I'm whiny and that I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I know that I am better off without my ex and who he is now, but alittle less than a year ago I thought we would get back together and stay that way. That things would stick this time and that I wouldn't have to worry. But the longer we were together and the more he drank the less unrealistic that became. I don't hate him and I have forgiven him, but I'm still so hurt. Not even by him but by myself. For planning a future and now having to deal with re-planning and I can't help but plan or try to. And it sounds so cliche, but I don't even know if I believe in love anymore. I've always been a skeptic and a "you love the one your with" type person. But the world is so much colder now, or it seems that way. It's a real miracle when you find a couple that stays together. Faithfulness is a real treasure to find in someone these days and I don't just mean in men.
I've been so lonely and not only do I hate living alone, I HATE that I'm not independent. There are two TOTALLY opposite parts of me. I have this cold, hard, tough side of me that doesn't ever want to feel anything and doesn't want to cry or be vulnerable and then I have the huge baby side of me that wants to do exactly what the other one doesn't. It really makes for a confusing life haha. Like one side of me wants to hate my ex and the other wants to curl into a ball and sob that she's alone and misses him holding her at night. Because really he wasn't all bad. We really did love each other, but in the end it came down to what he decided, I know he didn't understand that he was making ultimate decisions when he chose to do certain things, but those were deal breakers for me. I don't want to be constantly wondering if I can trust him or not, if he's going to be doing this or that behind my back or if he's really telling the truth or if later he's going to trip up in his lies and I'll realize that something was really wrong instead of right. But I really miss having someone there.
I'm the type of person that hates having a void in her life. When something goes missing I want to replace it right away, replace is the wrong word - but I need to fill a hole once something goes missing. Not that I don't want to remember what once was there, but that I can't handle not having it. When I have a pet die, I need to get another one, I need to love something else or have something else love me. And I substitute things - mostly food - for things that go wrong or missing. I hate that I'm that way. I hate that I NEED things. I hate that I can't just accept stuff and move on. So I'm trying really hard not to find a substitute for my ex. I want to be alone for awhile, or one side of me wants to be alone for awhile, when the other side really just wants to mail order a man and marry him. But I'm keeping myself real and off the mail order websites hahaha
As far as being laid off and being on call for work, I'm somewhat glad to have some time to work on my weight loss! I'm hitting the gym hardcore and rocking that shit. I want to be a decent size for summer and be able to be comfortable and have some fun!
Wednesday, 16 January 2013
There Are Good Days and Bad Days
So I'm not getting as much done and I wanted to be. That doesn't surprise me though, I'm a huge procrastinator, but lately I've only been "abit" of a procrastinator. So improvement is improvement. Plus I caught a cold from my girl at work and I've been a bit hard to motivate through the sneezing and coughing.
This isn't about work or house stuff, this is a Weight Loss Adventure post. A quick one. Because I've been sick and the babies at work aren't feeling that great, I missed today's workout and yesterday I skipped the gym, but walked for over an hour on a field trip with the kids. It wasn't an extensive work out like I've been pushing myself to do, but hey I got outdoors and was active, so I'm still giving myself points. PLUS it was way more fun than the gym. And I'm not counting today as a total fail, because I did eat mostly good things and got some exercise in before making this post, just some stuff I could do in my room, and I went until I got coughing, it's the best I could do. The point there is I'm still trying and pushing myself through this cold. Even if it's not the workout I want to get. Effort counts and I didn't just give in completely.
OH!! and yesterday morning when I weighed myself. I was down 6 pounds from the last time I was weighed at the beginning of december. Still up from when I lost a bunch of weight last winter, but I WILL lose it again. Anyway, I was at 227.9 yesterday morning and this morning I didn't plan to check cause it was just a day, but I was 226.4! I won't be checking again until next week, but I did it for curiosity sake.
Tomorrow I want to get in the gym despite my cold. Even for just a half hour and do some low key stuff. I won't be able to make the gym on Friday, because the memorial is Friday night and it's going to be an extremely hard weekend that I am just not looking forward to. So I want to get atleast one more work out in this week before I get off for my long sad weekend.
I also need to get my wii-fit out and start using that, even as just a tracker rather than the games, although I need to work on my balance. I used to be pretty good, but lately it's been way off. And I need to take my before photos...which I am not looking forward to and will not be posting until I lose enough weight to feel that it's not so embarrassing to post!
But no more being embarrassed about my weight. I am NOT embarrassed that I am trying to change it and I've had my struggles but this time I'm going to win the battle against unhealthy living! :) Corny but true.
Here are some photos!
Thats all for tonight folks! I guess it was half about work and half about weight, but how can you blame me for talking about these cute little guys! My job and my work kids are my life these days :)
Stay Happy!
This isn't about work or house stuff, this is a Weight Loss Adventure post. A quick one. Because I've been sick and the babies at work aren't feeling that great, I missed today's workout and yesterday I skipped the gym, but walked for over an hour on a field trip with the kids. It wasn't an extensive work out like I've been pushing myself to do, but hey I got outdoors and was active, so I'm still giving myself points. PLUS it was way more fun than the gym. And I'm not counting today as a total fail, because I did eat mostly good things and got some exercise in before making this post, just some stuff I could do in my room, and I went until I got coughing, it's the best I could do. The point there is I'm still trying and pushing myself through this cold. Even if it's not the workout I want to get. Effort counts and I didn't just give in completely.
OH!! and yesterday morning when I weighed myself. I was down 6 pounds from the last time I was weighed at the beginning of december. Still up from when I lost a bunch of weight last winter, but I WILL lose it again. Anyway, I was at 227.9 yesterday morning and this morning I didn't plan to check cause it was just a day, but I was 226.4! I won't be checking again until next week, but I did it for curiosity sake.
Tomorrow I want to get in the gym despite my cold. Even for just a half hour and do some low key stuff. I won't be able to make the gym on Friday, because the memorial is Friday night and it's going to be an extremely hard weekend that I am just not looking forward to. So I want to get atleast one more work out in this week before I get off for my long sad weekend.
I also need to get my wii-fit out and start using that, even as just a tracker rather than the games, although I need to work on my balance. I used to be pretty good, but lately it's been way off. And I need to take my before photos...which I am not looking forward to and will not be posting until I lose enough weight to feel that it's not so embarrassing to post!
But no more being embarrassed about my weight. I am NOT embarrassed that I am trying to change it and I've had my struggles but this time I'm going to win the battle against unhealthy living! :) Corny but true.
Here are some photos!
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| Yesterday's meal. I've been eating so many veggies/salads and I'm so proud of myself because I'm a fruit kinda of girl. I like things sweet! I only ended up eating 2, maybe three bites of steak because I'm not used to an oven that cooks so fast and it got alittle dry, so Tinka ended up with quite the supper. She had no complaints lol |
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| Larissa, Dar and I took some of the kids for a walk around the campground and down through the boardwalk. We walked for over an hour and it was quite the adventure. Bug was the youngest and he did quite well for himself. Until the end when him and 2 other boys fell in a very cold puddle. |
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| My LoveBug is growing up so fast, off the boards and running through the woods with the big boys! |
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| Warrin was falling alittle behind. He'd rather hold my hand than risk falling (I say that, but really he spent more time on his bum than his feet) but when he held my hand he felt alittle better cause he did alot more sliding on purpose because he knew I had a good grip on him. He's been my right hand man the past couple of days. What a sweetheart! |
Thats all for tonight folks! I guess it was half about work and half about weight, but how can you blame me for talking about these cute little guys! My job and my work kids are my life these days :)
Stay Happy!
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