Hey There Stranger

Well I started a journal in a different app on my phone which worked out terribly because their system just deleted all my entries...so I decided to come back to blog world. 

A lot of shit has changed, quite frankly I have changed majorly in the past 3 months. I almost can describe how much of a different person I feel since winter and spring. This summer was a big game changer for me, I know a couple things that contributed to my attitude/personality change or rather than something was just unlocked in me. I always knew there was a part of me inside that I was too scared or I want confident enough to let out. 

My main goal this summer was to push myself to face fears, be adventurous, try new things, care less and to just live in the moment. Which I would say I was completely successful with and because of it I feel like I am my whole self. I can't think of a time that I was more happy than I am right now. Especially in my adult life. 

I know I will have my downs, hell if the winter is bad enough I may lose this piece of myself again but I'm going to do my best to not allow that. I just feel so much being myself and not worrying so much about other people accepting that. I know I'll change another million times, we are people we constantly grow in our soul. Our bodies may stop growing at a young age but our brains and our souls grow until the day we die. And who knows what comes after that maybe we still keep on keeping on afterwards.

Stay happy people! 

Why Is Winter So Tiring?

I am a terrible blog writer, I read back on most of my posts and really don't even understand my own message. I'm glad I don't have a lot of followers or readers haha.

I find winter to be extremely tiring. I am wake up with energy and within 20 mins, it is all sucked from me. All summer long I am constantly on the go and never get exhausted, maybe that's because summer is a high. I'm high on the excitement and the craze that summer brings. And maybe winter is just a terrible low for me, I guess it always has been if I reflect on it. Winter months are my depressed, confused, "What am I doing with my life?!" months.
Although I wouldn't go as far to say I'm depressed. Unhappy, maybe. Unsatisfied, yes. And all day I think of ways to fix these issues, but instead of actually getting on top of fixing them, I dwell. I pinterest instead of being productive, I watch Grey's on netflix instead of tidying my livespace or getting real work done. Is it the lack of sunshine and warmth that do this to me? Why do I feel like a total bag of shit in the winter?!
You know, I've even started eating healthy, thinking, "this will help, this will make your body feel better. This will help you get healthier, maybe lose a few pounds too." But have I felt better? No, I haven't instead I got a head cold, full sinuses and sore throat, then what you ask? I got the flu. Both ends kind of flu, thank God it only lasted one day for the most. But it's always energy draining for a week or more. So, no I haven't felt healthier at all in 2015, even though my main diet consists of leafy greens, which really aren't THAT bad, but man I miss eating steak every day.

I lack all my motivation, my flare and passion. It makes me feel like the worst version of myself, if the real me is even in here somewhere. I love my life, I know I do. In the winter I just seem to pick out all the parts I dislike and make it all about that. I get spurts of amazing motivation, at the most inconvenient times of course. While I'm napping babies at my full time job, that's when I want to get creative and turn my life around. And what happens when the daycare closes and I go home? I sit my ass down on my comfy lounger and feel like taking a nap, that's what happens. Then I feel guilty for being the most lazy human on the planet. So I make plans with friends, I get out of the house for a couple hours in the evening. Which doesn't make me any more productive, so I still feel guilty for not getting anything extra done, but at least I'm not lying around, at least I feel a little better inside, just less responsible.
Sometimes I try to blame it on other things in my life, I do have a very full life, chaotic even. I do it to myself though. Most of the time I work best under chaos, in the winter it just seems to be harder to juggle it all in between Grey's Anatomy episodes and falling asleep in the bubble bath. I think it would be so much easier if I lived alone, with no tv, no distractions, but that's not true. It would all be much easier if I stopped making excuses, got organized and achieved some goals.

Here are some solutions to my problems, that we all know I am going to write down in this blog and never look at, but I'm trying here. This will be a pep talk to myself.

1. Time Management - Make a damn schedule and stick to it!! 
2. Always Write Things Down - Make those to do lists, on your arm, in a book, anywhere and please all I ask is that you keep checking them. Don't make them and never look at it again, work on your memory please. 
3. Have a List of 5 MAJOR things that are MUST DO's for that day.
4. Distance Yourself - Find your quiet spot away from distractions where you can get things done. Don't sit in the living room and watch tv where you know you still won't get anything done, even if your laptop is on your lap. We all know the screen is showing pinterest and not the work you should be doing.
5. Start Actually Relaxing - I don't mean watching tv or going to hang out with friends, I mean read, journal (actually write with a pen or pencil), work out - start one of those damn monthly challenges, I bet your can't finish one ;) or meditate for a few moments. Just take a damn breather and figure your shit out so you can get something else done. 
6. Stick With The Healthy Eating!! - You're doing good, perfectly green eating? No, but you only have junk once a week now, that's not bad! 
7. Be Straight Up - I know you've really been working on this one for the past year in all parts of your life, so keep it up. I know you're afraid to hurt feelings, but you need to focus on things that you have to do. You can't devote all of your time to certain activities because you are afraid of upsetting someone. Give a little, but start doing stuff you NEED to do and stop worrying about letting others down. Also this goes to letting out pent up thoughts and emotions. If you have the chance to say something to someone, but you are scared of the outcome, say it anyway. You have very little to lose in most cases and you really need to let go of things so they aren't always weighing on your mind. Next chance you get, don't be a coward, just say it no matter how awkward and get it over with. If it's not the outcome you wanted at least you know. I want to give you props for doing so good and this in the past year. You're much more confident than you used to be. 

I think I will leave it at those 7. I could definitely continue, but I should do other things today as well. Blogging isn't really a must do, and is more of a "journaling" relaxed part of my day. 

Stay Happy and Motivated!