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Friday, 29 March 2013

It's Only Taken Three Weeks

I have been trying to write a blog about this for awhile now, but just haven't had the motivation to do it, or anything at all in fact. I've been really deep in a self pity mode for a week or so. I always let my depression get the best of me, it's a constant struggle. It just overwhelms me with bad feelings and "you might as well give up" thoughts, when really I know that's not who I am and if anyone knows me really well they know that if I want something I'll make sure I get it. 
So anyway, I went through a rough couple days of staying in bed all day and really feel sorry for myself, and I've been there before, about the same time last year only in February. I was very depressed and not pleased with my life at all. The difference this year is that things aren't half as bad and that's what got me out of bed yesterday. Even though nothing is really "great" in my life right now, I've come a long way from last year. Yes, I quit school and moved back to my hometown, but I did it because I wanted to start a studio there and I was DONE with school and it was making me miserable. I went through some rough stuff  with an old relationship that should have stayed old, but now I know that we are NEVER going work, then with George passing and being laid off after buying house, really got me down. 
Then I started to look at the good side of things. I have a house, thats one step closer to having my studio, I mean now I am in debt, but I have a place to have a studio and I'm not drowning, I'm still ahead of my mortgage, okay well maybe I'm getting alittle tired of trying to make myself float but I am learning and making it work. I've been getting little jobs here and there and making some money. It's almost spring! It's so nice out today. I have an amazing family that I don't know what I would do without, both my papa's are always here to help, one to paint over my awful paint jobs and one to plow me out when it snows, momma lenny is always there for me, my gram green is constantly checking in to make sure I'm okay and hooking me up with odd jobs, my gram gup is my gym buddy, and then the rest of my famjam for being there for family night or just in general. I have two awesome best friends, although they both live away I facetime with Jo everyday <3 and I wish I lived closer to both of them. They are the reason that I miss the city. I have all my furbabes, even though sometimes I worry that no one is every going to except and love me and my 6 furbabes, I know that they will always love me and I don't know what I would do without their cuddles every day.
My life isn't so bad. I pulled myself out of bed today at EIGHT THIRTY! I had to capitalize is because the earliest I have been waking up is noon. I told my Gram that she has to pick me up every morning and get my ass to the gym, I miss that energy boost and I need it in the morning not the afternoon. I want to be healthy so I went to the store yesterday and stocked up on good food. I would say fresh, but that's hard to say about food on this island. As I was leaving the grocery store a man that I have real respect for, came up to me that and gave me a pretty great compliment. He told me that he was so proud to that a girl at my age, bought a house on Grand Manan on her own without a man. This made me feel really great. I didn't really know what to do with such a compliment at the moment, but it really made my day. I never think of myself as independent on the inside, because I'm lonely and hate living alone, but I do it because in a way that's what I want right now, it's just hard to push through it.

Enough of all this talk, point is, I'm awesome, I'm young and I'm learning how to live on my own. 

First thing all these random bad luck moments were happening to me, and I was getting really upset with it. My mother says that because I think I have bad luck then bad things will happen, or if I have a bad attitude I bring it on myself. This is kind of true, but looking back I think that bad things just happen to us, and if we are already down then those bad things are magnified. These couple of things that I'm about to post, made me feel like my house had just burned down - which I'm alittle surprised hasn't happened yet. But now I find them really funny and it's very like me, that they happened. I'm always making a mess and usually it doesn't bother me, but when I was already having a rough time in my head it seemed alot worse. 

I flooded my bathroom and kitchen with the washing machine water. My laundry sink got clogged and over flowed. The bathroom door was closed and I was at the stove when all this water start rushing out from under the door. I was stunned and didn't believe that it was really happening. I had to use every towel in my house and some blankets. The ladder is in the bathroom because my chain from the light broke off and I still have no bathroom light. But it's all funny now. 
As for painting my office...well I start like three weeks ago and I wanted it to be orange like the orange in my logo, but to get that orange you need a clear based paint. They told me I would need a primer, but my papa says always try it without a primer. Mom and I chose only to start the orange on one wall, which was such a good idea because it took three coats and you could still see every stroke. So I cried alittle and mom went to buy the primer, 40 dollars later, we primed the walls except the orange one and then painted orange over the primer and it was just as bad if no alittle worse! So I said I was done with this clear based orange and was going to prime the two orange walls and go with a different color. 
Mom was too busy doing her own thing so I was going to prime the orange walls myself. I got one done and was about to start the second when I tripped on the second rung on the ladder and this happened. I can still hear myself yelling "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" as I grabbed globs of paint as it fell to the floor. I ran through my kitchen and into the bathroom to grab a towel to wipe my hands, trying not to trail too much paint through those rooms. I grabbed my cell and called mom to come help. As I was trying to clean some of the paint up, I slipped and got it all over myself. I was quite a mess when mom showed up and through the tears I had managed to scoop some of the primer back into the can, because I wasn't buying another can to finish painting that last wall. My grandfather found alot more humor at my mess than I did and agreed to finish painting the office for me the next week. Thank God, because it would be everywhere if I was to do it in the mood I've been in. The ceiling would have ended up the same color as the walls. 

Here is the finished product. 

I'm not as fond of the pink as I was the orange, but it will do for now. 

I have a couple other posts that I would like to get up today, but I'm not sure if that will happen. I have a student coming at three and I want to get out and putt around the yard and shower before she gets here. I'm going to take advantage of the nice day while I can :)

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

"It's ALIVE!!"

My mac that is, I've created no living monsters, unless you count myself. I couldn't me more excited to be back on my mac and done with pc using. You don't know what you had until it's gone, and you don't know how bad it can get until you use a pc. Ha, I'm kind of joking, because it wasn't THAT bad using a pc, but I much rather use a mac. Sorry to all you pc users out there, they are more affordable. Speaking of affordable, I couldn't be more happy that it did happen to turn out to be a simple fix, the batter was knocked loose and something was bent, but it's all better now, Mac is bent back in place and up and running again. This was the first good luck I've had in awhile!

Yesterday was a busy day, probably because I slept half of it and then only had a few hours to get everything done before family/ladies game night. I hadn't really pitched in on making anything for food yet, so I wanted to bring some yumminess to the table last night. After the abundance of food that was brought last night we've decided that we need to start planning on who is going to bring what from now on or we're all going have to starve ourselves for three days before game night or we will all triple in size. So next week we are all thinking that fruit and veggies should be our main snack haha 

Here are some photos from game night, they are basically photos of Jennilyn's girls because, well look at them, they're just too cute not to focus on! 


Lib, checking aunt Julie's cards :) 

It was too much work for her, what a sweetheart <3 

Playing the talking game!

And she's back up to cheer us on!

I've got a busy weekend ahead of me! And I also had a pretty productive day today. I finished editing all the GO GO Grand Manan photos, which I've been trying to get done for a couple weeks now. This computer mess as been such a hassle and I've been babysitting and tutoring lately. Now that I have the mac back I've also got to get business things together, finish up my presentation for the highschool, start planning out a better lesson plan for my volunteer photo class in the elementary wing and try to clean out my lightroom of all 8000+ photos. Oh and plus keep posting regularly. I would like to make a couple more new things this week and if the snow ever melts I would LOVE to get outside and work around the yard.

Stay Happy Everyone! 

Saturday, 16 March 2013

Cuban Fries

Cuban wedges on the epicure crisper pan!
So with the left over pieces of salmon and not much time to make supper, before I blogged about it and shower before going to babysit, so this will be a quick yummy post. I chopped up some potatoes for wedges, through them in a plastic baggie with olive oil and Cuban spices (by epicure) and threw them on my crisper (by epicure as well) and tossed them in the oven for a 45 mins, I like my fries alittle crispy. The Cuban spices are JUST right for me. I don't like really hot spices, but this had just enough to feel the heat in my mouth but wasn't overwhelming. And where the salmon sat in the lemon juice all night and after I warmed it up I think I enjoyed it more as a leftover! Here's a photo of my food creation of the day :) (also I has a really good brunch, but I didn't have my memory card on my for my camera and mother had the computer, so I will have to recreate it another day)


Stay Happy!

Friday, 15 March 2013

Here's To Hoping I Didn't Poison Myself

cut up some lemon slices to go
under the salmon
So I made supper tonight. That sounds pretty normal right? but it really isn't that normal for me. Sure I know how to cook, but when I haven't been strictly trained at something I'm scared of messing it up. I have no confidence when it comes to new things. Especially cooking. I have like 3 things I learned to cook from my mother and that's basically what I've lived on for the last 4 years of my life. Shake-n-Bake, pork chops and steak. And that's just with like a marinade rub from the store. Nothing fancy, just something quick and hard to screw up. I see all these awesome looking meals on pinterest and think "I'm pinning that! I'll make that someday" ... who are we kidding we all pin things that we never get around to. I'm changing that. I REALLY want to start cooking and baking more. I get so bored with things and need change constantly. So here's to more recipe posts from me! And here's to hoping that I didn't just poison myself with the salmon I made tonight. I really don't know how its supposed to turn out, but I ate it anyway.
I never understand when I call my mother and ask her "how do I know if the salmon (or any meat) is okay to eat?" and she replies with "well does it smell okay to eat?" SERIOUSLY?!?! what RAW meat smells okay to eat. Sure I know that really bad meat is going to have a really bad smell, but what about meat that's in that iffy category...the "putting me in your stomach could be a good or bad thing at this point, you'll just have to find out" stage. So I smelt my salmon, and it smelled like salmon and to me, raw salmon doesn't smell that nice to begin with, but it had just been in the freezer and I had put it in the fridge over night to thaw. Mom said if it was freezer burnt it would just be alittle tough around the edges. I'm not one of those germ-o-phobes that are scared of getting sick or anything, and I don't care if there is blood in my steaks and stuff like that. I've had food poisoning and I lived. But still I like to know if something is going to make me deathly ill or kill me. It didn't look like it was going to threaten my life so I started whipping up my supper. I also made a little photoshoot of it. I never cared for food photography, but it was fun trying to make it look good.

PLEASE if you see something in these photos that is a warning sign that I shouldn't have ingested this meat, please point it out to me so that I know for next time. It's alittle late now.

use a piece of tin foil large enough to wrap your salmon in. I had
plenty...maybe double what I need, it was good and wrapped.
This was my favorite photo from supper!(below)  Add some butter to the top of the salmon, the lemons on top aren't necessary, but they were left over, so I just threw them on top. I also added some "Cuban" epicure selections spice too it. Should have added more though.

I cooked it on 375 for like 30 minutes. I really can't say for sure because I checked on it like a crazy woman. I was really unsure what the white stuff was all over it. That's the only thing that concerned me. It reminded me of the white stuff when you cook lobster, I'm pretty sure my father told me that it's what they're blood looks like when it's cooked. I really have no idea. The salmon tasted fine, maybe alittle too much lemon and not enough Cuban spice. The lemon definitely overpowered everything. Next time I won't put any on the top and hopefully won't have so much salmon to cook at once. Oh well left overs for tomorrow!

I would call this supper a successful first try. It tasted pretty good and I got some good photos out of it. Although my stomach feels alittle funny lol I'm pretty sure that's probably the panic of thinking my own cooking will be the death of me. If tonight was me "last supper" just know that I love you all hahaha

I hope you all enjoyed my first "Recipe Test" blog post. I've got to go get some things together before I go babysitting tonight.

Stay Happy!!

When It Rains It Pours...And Then It Floods

As some of you may know I'm having some pretty shitty luck these days. No work, no money and things are piling up. How come when something awful happens, bad things just seem to keep happening for a weeks or months after it. I don't question the big Guy up there, but really aren't we taught not to kick someone when they're down. Come off it please! I know this is just a life lesson for me and it's supposed to make me stronger, but really enough is enough already. Atleast send me alittle love! I guess when it rains it pours, and then it floods and fills your life until you're drowning in a mess of life, barely keeping your head above the swell and just when you think it's done you in, you get pulled from the water. Well I'm at the point where I'm struggling to keep my head out of the murky depths and I'm losing faith that doggy paddling is going to keep me from sinking much longer.
The good part is I'm starting to find the humour in all this bad luck and troublesome situations I've been having. One thing that has really start to make my heart ache is not seeing my kidlets and babes. I did get a chance to see my girl a few days ago and when she lit up as I opened the car door I could have broke down in tears. I miss that little diva more than anyone will ever know. Kids have a way of grabbing ahold of your heart and not letting it go. But I was trying to talk about good things right? Anyway I've finally settled on a livingroom setup that I like and will probably keep for awhile. I don't know how many times I move my furniture around in a month. It's alittle chilly today but I did take 5 or 10 minutes to poke around the yard and ponder on what I'm going to do when it gets alittle warmer. I could have done more, but I didn't.
On the other hand I am volunteering at the school teaching photography for 40 minutes to grades 3-5. Just a little workshop thing they are starting, but it gives me a chance to see some of the afterschooler's from work. It's a bit of a kid fix. I'm really excited though because I'm finding my passion again and I took some photos with my newest lens. Trying to get better acquainted with it considering my multi-purpose lens is on the fritz and it's just another thing that I need to get repaired. My camera could use a good cleaning too, so I've got to look into that as well. Here are a couple (and I would have uploaded more, but this stupid pc and blogger aren't working together and it's only letting me make two photos big. But I'll throw in a small one to the right because I have some many cute photos that I want to show).
I'm not sure if anyone will know what I am talking about when I say this, but I really want to know how to take indie photos. It's really just a popular style these days. it's usually a low contrast with some sun flare, but I haven't mastered it yet. Sometimes it's a lot of photoshop, which I do know my way around, but I'm more of a lightroom kind of girl. Once I get my mac back, I'm going to try and sit down and figure out the photoshop way of doing "indie" photos. My friend, Cassidy is also wondering the same thing. A lot of really cute blogs have this kind of effect on their photos, and even in fashion it's popping up more and more. I don't mean to follow the trend, but I really do like the film-ish look that these photos have. It's really rustic and rich. I pretty much have a whole board on pinterest dedicated to this style of photo. These photos of my furbabes are my first attempt at sitting down with lightroom and trying to create the look. It's a good first try, but I'm not completely satisfied. Aren't they just adorable though?

I feel so disconntected from my world without my mac. I have barely been able to work on my photo life and I can barely put out a decent blog post. I really can't wait to make a post of all the lovely homeowning joys that I've had lately, but it probably won't be for awhile. I'll have to catch you all up. (all like 3 of you haha) Which also brings me to the fact that I want to try and start blogging better. I really don't know how to get followers or bring an audience to my blog. I really don't think there are many people out there that would want to follow along with me sometimes. I'm all over the place with my posts, I'm more of lifestyle blogger, then any other topic. Which makes me feel like no one wants to follow along with me. But maybe there are some people out there that will.

I hope everyone is keeping their chins up and smiles big!

Stay Happy!

Friday, 1 March 2013

The First of May!...oh wait it's only March

I know I am not the only one that feels like it should be spring already. I know that winter doesn't usually end for us until close to the end of March. Which is a whole month away from now. This is very depressing, but looking back at the past couple of months, they've gone by pretty fast. Which is also quite scary, because looking back at those months, I did nothing extraordinarily productive... my life has been somewhat put on hold.

I have got some good things going though. I invested in a can of paint to paint my what is a dining room but is going to be an office space until I build my studio. Which brings me to the work that I have been doing on my business, that's been pretty productive, BUT I also looked at it at another angle and realized that it's still going to be a good year or so before I can get enough money together to pitch my business and get a loan. So I'm still going to have to do it un-offcially for awhile. My mac is almost at it's 3 year mark and it's feeling it. Any that knows me, know that I am not a gentle person, I'm tough on shit and am always breaking things. I hate this about myself and I try to be more careful, but I'm always breaking something. People think it's because I'm careless, but really shit just kept happening, so I try to care LESS when it does so that I'm not crying all the time about the shit that I break lol Anyway, I was also examining my main lens which is almost four years old, and it too is having some issues, might be an easy fix, it just doesn't seem to be attaching to my camera body correctly.
Back to good things. I hosted an epicure party last night, because I love their products! I like that it's somewhat healthy dip, by that I mean that it's better for you than stuff you by at the store, and really tasty! I'm doing quite good in sales and hopefully will get just a little bit more so I can get some more free stuff! My next thing isn't productive, but it did make my happy, I'm all caught up on New Girl, I am a little bit in love with Zoey Deschanel, or maybe alot and I think she's just perfection. The show always makes me good about life, so I've just been watching that the past two days. Oh and I'm sleeping alot, but I like sleep so that doesn't bother me, I'm really just mixed up, I sleep most of the day and stay up all night. I'm backwards, that's what happens when I have nothing to do. I prefer being awake at night.

My biggest and final awesome thing is that I am down to 222.5 which I am excited about.

Stay Happy!