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Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Seriously How Does Life Get So Busy?

Some days I think I have all this free time, but really I just think that I do and I'm sitting around thinking about all the things that I have to do. But most days I really am on the go so freaking much, that when I sit down I don't want to get up. I am pretty productive, but I'm still a big procrastinator. Most of the time I think it's because I put so much on my plate and look down at it and and I supposed to eat all this? In task form "How am I supposed to do all this?" It gets a little over whelming sometimes and I know that I can do it, I just lack motivation or enthusiasm. I get so annoyed with myself on days that I do nothing or evenings that I sit on the couch and watch tv, because I think to myself "Robyn, you have a huge list of things to do, you should be working on that and not be sitting here doing nothing." But I have to admit I like my free time, which sometimes doesn't even seem like free time because I'm messing with photos, or cleaning my computer or emailing brides and etc. 

Knowing that when I sit on the couch and think that I should be doing something productive makes me realize that I am atleast growing up and realizing that I have responsibilities, sure I haven't quite reached the point when I set my personal fun time down to get all of those responsibilities done. But one step at a time right? 

I really do have to step back and look at my life some days. I get so caught up in living and pushing myself to do more and more and when I can't get it all done, I feel so disappointed and like it's a "failure" but it's just a set back really. When these set backs occur, I make myself stop and think. I'm 22, I own my own house in which I live with 3 other people and am very slowing trying to renovate, I have a fulltime job, which I am still traveling away to do courses for, I'm trying to build a hobby farm in order to be self sufficient AND I am slowly building a career and business for myself. That's alot for 22, or I think so. I know that when I was 17 I didn't think I would have come this far by the age of 22. I was always goal oriented, but I have out done what I expected of myself. 
With that list of accomplishments and progressive projects I must say that I am either very enthusiastic and established person or I'm completely insane. Because really...what else would possess me to do all those things above, while taking care of 18 chickens, 1 rabbit, 7 cats, and a dog, plus myself my boyfriend, my bestfriend and another friend. I mean believe me I'm taking care of all of them, they do their fair share of helping and some days even more than I can do myself. But that's why we work so well. The point is I think my life has to be in total chaos all the time, I have to be so busy that I can't stop. I have not one sweet clue why I love living like that, but I do. I love being surrounded by people and things that I love, my pets, my other animals, my projects and hobbies. I'm also the most impatient person and want everything done and accomplished right away. Some days its a bad thing, but I'd like to think most days it's good. Impatient people get shit done. 

I wish I had time like I did before to write posts all the time, I really only do it when I need to vent. I want to say that I will be able to post more in the winter, but this winter I really want to get my business finalized and legally done, official and all that jazz. I have so much archiving and cleaning to do in my programs and on my computer. I want to start training a highschool girl to help me in hopes that I can take over the school photos for GMCS. But in order to do these things I need to kick myself in the ass and grow up the rest of the way. I need to beat up the rest of my procrastinating self and tell her to never come back. 

My major goals for the winter are: 

Get my ass in shape, well really I just want to get healthy and shed some weight. Exercising makes me feel so much better and makes me eat better and I'm just a better person when I'm healthy. 

Officialize Red Robyn Photos, and start applying for grants and start making things happen! 

Do some in house projects done, I want to get some rooms painted - the kitchen is a must, the dreadful linoleum flooring off my livingroom and put my fridge into the wall. 

Get ORGANIZED, I love being organized but it never lasts. But I want to get a budget done, start saving money, make a game plan for the spring and summer for the house and my business and I would really like to get meal plans done up. 

I could really make a list of everything in detail, but it makes my head spin to think about it. I'm always in a rush to get things done, but its because time goes by so fast and if I stop rushing then I forget about things and time slips away. 

I don't think I would want to live any other way. As grumpy and tired as I am some days, I really do love my life. Not saying this as an annoying "lovin' life" facebook status kind of way, but sometimes I have to sit back and smile at how my life is. It's far from perfect and far from uncomplicated, but it's everything I want and I've always been a girl that will work for what she wants. It's not going to just get handed to me thats for sure. 

Stay Happy and Stay Focused!! 

Sunday, 22 September 2013

Let's Play Catch Up No.1 - My New Found Thug Family

Let's Play Catch Up 

I'm not going to tell you everything that has happened over the last 4 months, but I will hit the major points and exciting bits. 
I'll start with the ones that are listed just because it will get me thinking and from there, it will be very hard to stop writing.

1. My New Found Thug Family

As some of you may know I bought a house last year. Literally it has been 1 year and 2 days since I moved in. WILD, it just seems so unreal to me. I've had alot of ups and downs since then. When I first moved in it was Justin, Jackson and I. Things were rough and Justin and I had alot of problems and throwing a third person into the mix didn't help things. Jackson ended up moving out and then I ended up leaving Justin for reasons that weren't that I didn't love him - obviously because we are giving it another go - but because of issues he had to take care of on his own. 
I lived through a hard winter of bouncing back and forth from mom's house and my house. Mom and I stuck close by each other through Georges death and being laid off. I got a taste of real life last winter and man, do I ever hope this winter is much better. I don't usually get overwhelmed by the emotions of last winter, but even talking about it now, brings a couple tears to my eyes. 

Then in May I took on a border/roommate. Greg moved in and it helped keep me at my own house instead of bouncing between families houses, plus it really helped with the bills. Before he moved in I had no job, no money, and tons of bills. But I got through it. 
Then came summer and my thug brother Joel had been around the house alot lately. He's who I used to refer to as my biobro, really being my first cousin but him and his brother jackson are the closest things I have to siblings, so at heart they are my brothers. We decided that he could get out of his moms for the summer and make my barn loft into a bedroom space. So he did and it's almost October and he's still here and still in the barn. Brrr. 
Not long after Joel was around, I started talking to Justin again and as we never take things slow and we pretty much pick up where we left off. He was "moved in" by July. He doesn't take up much space though, except most of the bed... he's definitely a bed hog. 

About a month ago my old roomie and best friend, Joanie, Jo as I call her, came to stay here at what I've begun to call Thug Mansion - due to the pumping rap music that you can usually hear around here and the attitudes that most of the boys found here have - for a couple of weeks on her vacation. It was just like it used to be, having her around reminded us both of what living together used to be like. I miss her terrible and we live together so well. After talking alot about her being in fredericton, with no family and a small amount of friends that she didn't hang out with too often. I said "Why are you there? you aren't happy there, you don't like your job, you have no close family there, no support system. I moved home almost two years ago and Lisa (her other best friend in the city) just moved out west. Why are you there? Why are you working a job at the Dollarama, when you went to school to be so much more? You are working there, just so you can pay your bills to live in an apartment with people that you don't really know, to live in a city that is just supposed to be "better" for you than the country life. Because there are supposed to be more opportunities, but if you aren't happy...why not take the opportunity to be happy and move home to the people that love you and will support you." I don't think it was said as well as I just wrote it, but it was something along the lines of that, probably with a bit more profanity, but the same idea. So she moved home last sunday night and went back to the city to get all of her things and was officially moved in yesterday. I could rant about city vs country forever so I'm not going to get into things too deeply. Point is alot of people were against her decision, but we're all for it and we'll make it through, atleast if we can't afford heat, all five of us can cuddle together for warmth. But if I can afford to keep myself going, with no job and no help, then I think the five of us will be fine. 

I grew up alone. That sounds so depressing, because I had my mother and father, but no siblings. So I think I surround myself with people because it's like having the big family I always wanted when I was little. Don't get me wrong I LOVED my single child lifestyle. I've never been big on sharing, but adult siblings are fun, they won't take your toys half as much! but they still will take your food haha. As much as we can all get on each others nerves, we're like a family. We get over it and move on. We have days where we all stay in our separate rooms, days where we all pitch in to get something done like building a chicken coop or just cleaning the house, and days where we all sit down and watch a movie or a tv show together, or have a couple drinks, listen to music and talk. It's sad to say but I don't have many friend outside this Thug Family of ours. We all have our weaknesses and we all have our strengths, when you put us all together we work pretty great. 

Don't think the crowed fun ends with just people! We're all cat people. I have Calliopie and Vesper from when I moved out of my mothers, then when I first got the house Justin and I took in a very flea infested kitten, Phoebe - now flea free. Just before Christmas and just before our break-up, we adopted a special needs kitten, Miles. So four cats would be enough right? Some might think so, but it just happens I like cats more than people, so when Greg asked me if he could get a kitten, how could I say no? Mary-Jane made 5 cats at Thug Mansion. When Justin and I got back together, I seen all the kitens at his house and thought - I need a barn cat to keep the mice away. I do have mice, but I don't have a barn cat. Penelope was half wild when we brought her to my house, she was used to living outside, but was wanted to keep her in the house for a bit so she'd know where her new house was and to tame her up a bit. Turns outs Justin thought she was too cute and she couldn't be a barn cat, we're better off getting a male barn cat. So Penny made 6 cats at Thug Mansion. Then came Dexter, Joanie's cat. And I am still left with no barn kitty. Although there is a stray that hangs around the house. A total of 7 cats, one for each day of the week, live at Thug Mansion with 5 people. 
I would hate to leave out that I have a giant rabbit, Mayor and 6 laying hens - Miss Maudie, Miss Blanche, Miss Calpurnia, Miss Minnie, Miss Emilee and Miss Etta. And that's still not all, we ordered 12 more laying hens that I will need to get in the next couple of weeks. So expect a full Chicken Blog Post soon. Then there is Tinka, my pomeranian, who has gotten very comfy at her Grandmothers house, but needs to move back to Thug Mansion to make it all complete.

Total Being: 

18 Laying Hens
  7 Cats
  5 People
  1 Rabbit
  1 Dog 

All of these pets and people make up Thug Mansion, soon to be even more expanded in the Spring. We all agree with the self sufficient lifestyle and I've always wanted a farm! Just another reason we all work together to make it happen :) 

Here are some photos of the residents 

Joel aka Thug Dawg


Miss Maudie <3 she's the beauty 

Miss Emilee (red) and Miss Calpurnia (black)

Miss Blanche

Miss Etta

Miss Blanche, crazy old Blanche.

Justin and the chicks

Thug Dawg and the Ladies
Miles my CH kitty <3 

Miss Emilee - The mean chicken of the bunch.
Me and Tinka
Justin and I 
Jo and I 

Stay Happy and Positive :) 

Is It Really Almost October?

So I don't really know why I feel so bad about not writing, probably just because I haven't had the therapy of it and it's a self guilt thing, because I have 13 followers and pretty much force people I know to read my stuff by posting it on facebook. But all the same I still feel bad that I've neglected my blog and feel SO overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I feel like I have to catch my blog up on, as if it's a person that I haven't seen in months and they need to know every little life detail.

I'll start off with some of the major changes in my life that I would like to talk about in the next couple posts, so that I don't forget about them.

Major Topics

  1. My New Found Thug Family - People and Animals Included
  2. Work - Fulltime and Photography
  3. The Simple Life - What I Want For My Future and The Changes I Want To Make 
  4. Oh Yeah, I'm Back With My Ex - But We Love Him So That's Okay
  5. Time To Get Healthy and Organized

I originally started writing this post awhile ago, probably about a month and I am just getting back to it now. I'm not quite sure why I feel guilty not writing, with all my 13 followers, but I guess it's more about letting things out of my head then getting people to read what I have to say. I am a stressed person, I stress over everything and while I wish I could be a carefree, worry free just doesn't work. I have gotten better. I live in a house with 4 other people and my OCD has to take a back seat. I only half worry about how the towels are folded or what glasses are put on what shelf. Mainly, because I have bigger things to worry about.

I'm going to make a post for each one of the topics above, because even those 5 things is going to be an extremely long blog post, so it would be better for them to be separate :) And I may not be able to write all 5 today!

Sunday, 1 September 2013

I Have Faith In Love

The title of this blog, may lead you to believe that you are about to read a very long post, passionately constructed for the love of my life. In a way maybe you could say that but this post is actually inspired by a very powerful argument with my boyfriend. An argument about religion.

Most of you probably thought "oh shit, where is the escape button, get me out of here." Religion is such a touchy subject for people, especially where I live. It's actually possible that because of these beliefs, my beliefs that I am about to express to you all, will cause me great grief. That people will look at me differently or cause people to feel less about me or hatred towards me. But they're mine, they are my beliefs, I do not push them on other people, I will express them, but I will not tell someone that my beliefs should be there beliefs too, that my beliefs are the "right beliefs" or that your beliefs are wrong. I just have a set of beliefs that I hope will bring me eternal peace at the end of my life on earth. That my God will accept me and reward me for my time on earth and how I handed it, because lets face it, life is no walk in the part for any of us. Oh, and I'm going to try to cut down on how many times I say beliefs from now on.

Where I grew up, in a small town, there are 10 churches that I can name off the top of my head right now. There could be more operational ones that I'm not thinking of, and there definitely has been more. All of these churches are christian churches. Christianity is the main religion of my home town. Christianity is a religion, that I am sure most of you are familiar with. I grew up in an Anglican Church, surrounded by christians, my fathers family and my mothers family are christians and I too grew up a christian. I don't use this label anymore. I am not religious, but I am spiritual and I do believe in God. I don't believe that Christianity trumps Buddhism or Judaism. I do not believe that any one religion is the "right" religion. I believe in God. I believe there are many stories about God. I believe that God is in us all. God is good, God is kind, God is generous and God is Love.
I also believe in the Devil. I believe is Good vs. Evil, Love vs. Hate. I believe that God is Love and the Devil is Hate. You can not have good without evil, positive without negative, you will never live in a world with only love and no hate. There is a balance, you can't have one without it's opposite.

I'll fill you in on the argument I had with my boyfriend. I said I really wanted to stop using the word "Gay" and "Faggot" in negative way and he looked at me as if I were crazy and said "Why?! It is wrong, so it is negative." I do not believe that we get to judge whether someone elses love is right or wrong. I believe Love is good, the kind of love that causes no harm, that is unconditional and true. I do not believe that because two people are the same gender that they can't have a true and pure love. That God will punish them for being able to find some sort of Love in this world that is so full of hate.

Here is a run down of who my God is, he might sound just like the God you know, you might not agree that that is who your God is, but that is okay because we all have different beliefs. This is the God that I choose to live under:

God is:

  1. Good
  2. Love
  3. Generous
  4. Kind
  5. Understanding
  6. Comforting
  7. Accepting
  8. Truth
  9. Positive
  10. Hope
All these characteristics are how I believe that my God wishes people to be. I believe is a God that is all these things and only these things, because he is perfect and he created us in his image, or with the power to be his image. Because yes God created us, but God is not alone, He may be the light, but there is always darkness, a shadow. 

The Devil is:

  1. Evil
  2. Hate
  3. Selfish
  4. Cruel
  5. Close-minded
  6. Hurtful
  7. Judgmental
  8. Lies
  9. Negative
  10. Doubt
All these characteristics are how I believe that the Devil wishes people to be. I believe he influences us with these characteristics, I believe that he is the wrong in the world. 

Now this is where is gets kind of tricky, because my boyfriend would say, well a meth head "loves" to do meth, does that make it right? No, it doesn't. God believes in a Love that is not at the expense of ourselves or others. Meth harms ourselves, a meth addict is influenced by selfishness, a characteristic of The Devil, into thinking/believing that they "love" meth or need it. Meth also harms the ones we love, the ones that care about us, again harm, cruelty and selfishness are not characteristics of the God that I believe in. 

Now for the hard discussion, the discussion that always creates a tension between my boyfriend and I, and many other people that I see everyday. Is Gay Love wrong? Is it a sin? Is it evil? 
In my belief system, no it's not evil. Love is a characteristic of God. A woman loving another woman or a man loving another man, isn't evil. It isn't causing someone else pain, not saying that their family members may not hurt because of it, because of how they were raised and how their belief system was built. But set religion aside, if you love someone you are kind, you are generous, you are understanding, if your love is true, it doesn't matter what gender either of you are. I believe that my God is a God that believes is finding love in a world fuelled by hatred. I feel as if our world is polluted with judgement, hatred and cruelty, so if we somehow find a true, unconditional love, that God is not going to punish anyone for that. 

Am I Gay? No, I love my boyfriend, but I can't say that if hatred came between us that I would never fall in love with someone of the same gender. I want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. I love him very much, we have been through a lot and when we push away from each other we are like magnets that pull each other back in. I'm saying that it's not that it is impossible that I would never be "gay." 

Lately I have been struggling with a life style change similar to this blog post. I'v been trying my very hardest to fill my life with characteristics of the God I choose to believe in. This God could be the same God you believe to be your christian God, or Buddist God. But to me, he is just God, he had no ONE religion, he is a spiritual being that lives within us all. He is the Good, the Light, the Truth. 
I don't believe Him to be just a metaphor for life either, so may say well if you have no religion how can you believe in God? Well because I just believe that he lives inside us all and that he is the "good" half of opposites. I don't believe he has any characteristics of The Devil. 
One of the main reasons I have chosen not to believe in religions because their God's have "punishments" or their God's are selfish, or their God's discriminate against a true love because of the similarities in the people affected by said love. I don't want to believe in a God that is going to damn two people who have found something SO hard to find in this world. Not that people go to Hell for one sin or even ten sins in their life, but I chose to believe that my God, feels sadness or grief when he sees a "straight" married couple filled with hatred towards each other and disgust, or when they selfishly damage a love by committing adultery or "cheating." Those things cause harm to other people, "gay" love doesn't harm anyone unless one of the couple inflicts harm or pain onto the other. This would then cause my God the same grief as the "straight" couple did. 

I didn't write this blog in order to push my beliefs on to whoever reads it, I wrote this because I was so inspired by the confusion and pain that I felt after the argument that my boyfriend and I had, that I needed to write it all out. Because in all the reals that I grew up a "christian" I never felt the passion for my beliefs like I did tonight. I laid in bed and cried because I couldn't understand how people could discriminate against a true love, whether it be between two men, two women or a man and a women. It reminds me of when people don't believe in mixed race couples or when calling people "niggers" was acceptable. Lately I have been more conscious and disappointed in myself when I used the word gay or faggot in general conversation, as a describing word that's so easy to use. Just like "nigger" used to be. I really hope that the war on love is beat like the war on black oppression was for the majority. Not everyone will be won over. 
Again these are just my beliefs that I needed to let out of my head before I could fall asleep, otherwise I would have been writing this post over and over in my head. And the sad part is, every time I write a post, I like to leave the link on facebook for people to read, but because of the hatred in the world I fear posting it. Not because I am not proud of my beliefs, but because I feel that they in ways could cause trouble for me with other people in my community. I'm not saying that anyone's beliefs are wrong, I just choose not to share them, I live by my own belief. God surrounds me and fills me, he is my light and my almighty God, but I don't believe him to be a set religion. I do not know other religions, I was not educated in them, there are no places to do that where I live, other than the internet. But I don't NEED to educate myself to know that I believe in the God that I described above. 

I apologize for any discomfort that I have caused any reader, that was not my intention and I don't feel that my beliefs should cause you any harm. I do not believe that if you believe something totally different than me, that your beliefs are wrong, because I have no power to judge that or determine that. I just have faith in my God and you should too, whether it is the God I described above, the christian God, or your own version of him. In the end He gets to judge us and that is the only time we will ever full understand him. 

Stay Happy and True to Yourself <3 


Sunday, 7 July 2013

What Truly Matters...We All Live and Learn

They say the best way to learn is from our mistakes. I, by experience can vouch for this. I grew up a good kid, apart from being spoiled due to only child syndrome. I can still remember the first time I felt guilty for lying, because I knew it was bad and I hated the feeling. I've never been good at it and never really understood how lying gets people anywhere. It isn't honesty that hurts people, it's the actions that we are ashamed of, that cause pain. The truth does not have consequences, actions have consequences. We hide the truth or create a lie to avoid these consequences. I consider myself a very honest person and when writing a 22 page essay on myself in my final year of high school, I received a 95% with a note saying "Robyn I enjoyed your essay, you are honest, even to a fault." This still confuses me to this day. Is honesty not a virtue? How can it be a fault? My honesty is not the fault, the things I have done are the fault. I am not perfect. I make mistakes and I do my best to learn from them.

I value my honesty and the honesty of others. Being honest and admitting to my mistakes and faults does not make me proud of my actions in anyway. It makes me human. And the fact that even though I hate lying and consider myself a very honest person, I still find myself lying or hiding. I am human and I can be scared to admit the truth, because in this world, honesty is not always valued. Some people would rather hear a lie or are afraid of the truth. Each of us has or will fear our own truths, for the pain we may cause ourselves, the ones we love or anyone for that matter. It is what we are capable of and the mistakes that we've made that make us fear ourselves and being honest.

In my short 22 years, I have tried my best to lie as little as possible, to not sneak around. I learned that the longer you keep a lie, the worse the consequence can be. My parents, family and friends know most of my dark secrets, my mistakes and my faults. I say most, because there are still parts of my history and soul that I don't share with anyone. I am still human, I am not perfect.
I try not to make excuses for my actions, but what we have lived through, what we know and what we suffer from, all make up who we are. Some of us make a mistake once and that's enough for us to learn, and sometimes we might have to make it a couple times before it really begins to sink in.

2 years ago, I let myself go. I was "wild and free," I had no fear. After a failed relationship, I wanted to take control of my life, find out who I was and what I was capable of. I experimented and instead of taking control, I lost it. Everyone knew my actions, because I wasn't good at hiding and lying, the lack of fear that I had made me careless and proud of my mistakes, I was young and used this as my excuse.
A year passed and so did an uncountable amount of mistakes. I still loved my ex and we reconnected. I left my new found scene and went back to him, but my mistakes and actions combined with his own, made for a toxic relationship.
We were able to look passed each other's new identities for awhile until things became too much. I knew I had grown more than he had, and learned much more from my mistakes, but I am not perfect. I take responsibility for my part of our failed relationship in our second attempt, but he still had much more to learn. I was angry at him, I had been ready for us, I had lived and learned, but apparently he still had more to learn himself and we weren't meant to be. I was angry, at him and the world. A close family member had been taken in a tragic accident and the world wasn't the brightest for me. I am not using this as an excuse, but our environment affects us, and I was not in the best place.

I made a mistake and took advantage of myself and let others take advantage of me, I let myself go backwards. I thought maybe that careless, single girl I had been, was really who I am. It only took 2 months for me to realize, I was not that girl anymore. I was much more than that, I deserved more than that, but I still made mistakes in those 2 short months. Mistakes that I am held accountable for and as much as I hate to admit to them, I still made them. I let myself ignore reality, to forget about my own problems and pain, by committing actions that would cause that same pain for someone else. I didn't stop to think about how my actions would affect others, because I wanted a release from my own life. As a human I can be selfish, unkind and guilty.

This weekend I was a guilty part of a fight over a guy, who is not worth the pain he has caused her, i and probably many other girls. But he too is only human. I do not believe in physical violence and have never been apart of it before, I was shocked of my capabilities in a fight and filled with empathy for her afterwards. I had been apart of something that hurt her and I deserved the consequences of my actions, but I am only human and defended myself when the fight became too much.
I had always wanted to know what it would feel like to be in a fight and I wished that I could remember more of it. I remember what was going through my head, but I don't know what happened. I was so filled with adrenaline and instinct, it was a part of myself that I was not familiar with. I am not proud of that fight and my part in it, but I defended myself. I did not leave the fight unharmed, I am okay with the bruise, because she was hurting inside. I understand that feeling of hate, I've been on that side of the fence as well. And I've learned. I'm not that person I was 6 months ago, but I am still accountable for my carelessness and unkind actions from that time and I have learned from them.

I hope that the girl I have hurt and who that guy has hurt much so much more, holds him accountable for his continued mistakes, or are they mistakes if you do not feel guilt? I know I have felt the guilt, but has he? I hope that she remembers that by committing to her, he made a promise to be faithful. I made no such promise to her, yet while we tried to rip each other apart he stood in the same room...with no one at his throat. By acting like animals in a fight, her and I only made his ego swell larger. My largest regret about that fight is directing my anger toward to the wrong person, even in self defence. I should have let her hit me, and then directed myself towards him. Even she should have the courage and respect for herself to hate him like she hates the girls, but sometimes love can get in the way, instead I wish I had thought of her instead of myself and given him what he deserves to receive from her. I will not feel so bad if she decides to continue letting him hurt her, but I will not be apart of it again.

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I can be selfish, unkind and cruel, but I try to take every mistake and learn from it. I try to make myself a better person from it all. I am honest and hold myself accountable for my actions, even if I am ashamed of them. They say only God can judge me, but we all know that each and every person judges each other. So judge me, chose to love me, like me, dislike me, hate me or simply let me exist. I've done wrong and I've done good, life is about learning and living to be the best person you can be. It's about deciding how you want to live and how you want to be remembered after you are gone. I want to live with my past behind me, the present to the fullest and with all the hope of the future. I want to be happy with myself and who I am.

I am honest.


Tuesday, 4 June 2013

And Who Might You Be?

That's right you're the author of this blog, and a most awful one at that! 

Life has just been a jumbled up mess, mostly being a good, busy jumbled up mess, but there are days when Im wondering what the hell I am doing with my life. I've really lost track of everything that I want to accomplish in the everyday life that I live. I had a bit of a break down last night when I realized that it's june and I have done none of the things that I wanted to do by this month. 

I know life is constantly changing and so am I, but I am going through alot of difficult changes inside myself. For the most part it's all good changes, it's just overwhelming and confusing. I'm not depressed anymore, just stressed. I'm a pretty happy person these days, just alittle lost as I always seem to be. I'm so easily distracted and then I stress when it all hits me that I've been distracted by having fun or putting small things ahead of more important larger things, that should be coming first. 

I barely had any readers before I took a two-three month vacay from my blog, but if anyone is still out there, maybe you know how I'm feeling when I say that I am hardly the person that I used to me. I'll be 22 this year and I thought all the inside changing was over with, I mean all that teenage anguish that we go through "finding ourselves" which really is a lifetime anguish. I've been having such a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I've decreased my amount of friends and people that I trust, which in a way is a good thing, because it keeps me from getting hurt or mistreated, but I used to be friends with everyone and trust everyone, so it's been difficult to look at myself as a more reserved human being. Don't get me wrong, I'm friendly and very outgoing, I just don't try to be "besties" with everyone I know. I think that in the past year I've been burned by so many people that I've really built some walls around myself and I always used to be a very open hearted and open armed person. It's just a change in lifestyle that I didn't see coming and it's been hard to get used to. I don't like being alone or lonely, but trust is a very hard thing for me and it never was an issue before. 

Not to drag anyone down, because this post is not meant to be a depressing or angry, I'm just letting out some things that have been keeping me from the blogging world. On a high note, I'm back at work, I'm loving the nice weather and look forward to doing more stuff around the yard and getting things accomplished at home. When I can get the motivation to go through with it. I'm also very excited for a summer with the kids at daycare and hope that I can continue to lose weight even if it's at a slow pace. 

I have SO and I mean SO many life style changes - scratch that, let's use the word improvements - that I want to put in affect, but as much as I like and encourage change, I really do suck at it. Besides the past couple of days I've really cut out my eating in the evenings, that doesn't stop me from eating snacks with the kids at lunch, but I have seen a bit of a difference. I REALLY could kick my ass for not working out, but it's something that I need to improve, just like I need to improve my "getting things done" I have an ENORMOUS list and very little checked off. I have fallen off my organized wagon and I'm going to get back on it! TONIGHT

I'll post again sooner than later this time. 

Saturday, 20 April 2013

Ten Peculiar Children And One Peculiar Bird

I love reading, sometimes I can get so involved in a book that I lose myself inside it for hours until I've read it cover to cover, and then sometimes I'm involved but it takes me weeks to finish - because sometimes life gets in the way. The past week or two I've been reading "Miss Peregrines Home for Peculiar Children," I had bought it as a Christmas present for myself and it stood out to me because of all the odd photos that were inside. I love the peculiar so it seemed like something I would get lost in.

I just finished it and the one thing I hate about the end of the book is the lost feeling I get, the left behind and wonderment of what happened next. That I just spend a days getting to know the characters, getting close to each one of them and then they're gone, it's over. I just made a handful of new friends inside my head and now I've got to let them go. Maybe it's because I've been a alittle emotional the past couple days due to my TOM, but the end of the book made it sad, it did leave the end with the possibility of a sequel, which I really hope happens. I know that it has been rumored that Tim Burton wants to make a movie of the book, which would be marvellous, because I think he could do a wonder with it, I just hope it's not a claymation, no offence to his claymation movies, I just want these characters to be real. The one hard part about making it a movie and what made the book so special is that it had photos of it's characters inside. All real, vintage, peculiar film photographs from collectors. Being a photographer and having a love for old photos were the reasons I bought the book.
I can't say as I could tell you if anyone else I know would enjoy the book, there a childish essence to it and it's very mystical and "peculiar." All things of which I like.

I'm about to start another book and will probably make quite a dent in it. I don't have much interest in other escapes of reality these days like partying, drinking and that or even movies and internet aren't keeping me from being sad and lonely today, but reading seems to be doing the trick. So I plan to fill my tub full of hot water and bubbles and read once the sun goes down.

Stay Happy and Read a Good Book!

** Update after writing this I looked up if there would be a sequel and it is to be published next January! I can't wait!

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Put Alittle Elf On Your Face

My friend Bailey from BeingBaileyJ, showed me Eyes Lips Face and I was stunned by their prices. I have heard bad and good things about their products, but decided to place an order to make my own judgement. I was really in need of foundation, concealer and brushes, but because things are just so nicely priced I definitely went alittle over board with my order and tried a bunch of other products. My mother also got a few items as well. When our order arrived in the mail I was so stoked. Here was my order...

eye related 

brushes and zit zapping things, surprised that the zit zapper worked

foundation, concealers and other

lips and nails 
the entire order
I was stunned by how well I liked the foundation and how well it went on with the foundation brush...why have I been using my fingers all this time?! It goes on and covers much more evenly with the brush!

My favorite products I have used so far are...

  1. The Eyebrow Kit - because if you have clear eye brows like me, you will love this! It's super easy and I haven't used too many other eye brow pencils and products, but it's better than the ones I did try. I barely put any on, but it's a dark enough color that is gives a slight hint of a dark eyebrow, and it matches my hair color, so I've been really excited about it.
  2. The Foundation Brush - if you aren't that much into make or really haven't cared about it and just covered up the gross spots of your face and blended it enough to get through the day or if you just haven't looked up make up information and how to's and all that stuff and just go with it like me then you probably use your fingers to put your foundation on. I read something awhile ago that said you should use a foundation brush, it uses much less product and covers nicely and evenly. So I thought okay I'll try it, and they didn't lie to me! I've been pretty please with how my foundation looks using a foundation brush. 
  3. Lip Stain - I don't usually do much to my lips, I have a good lip color and I've never liked lipstick, but I thought I should add something for my lips to my make up bag, just incase. So I picked the crimson crush color and I really like the stain better than lipstick. I don't use it all the time, but it brightens my look when I feel like I need alittle color in my life. 
The bad things I heard about their stuff were referring to their liquid blush/cream blush and other colored products like it, that it went on like paint. I personally didn't order those types of products, so I can't give a review or personal experience about them, but it could be that maybe you need a brush or their is a different technique to applying them or blending them that my source didn't know about. Oh, and I heard that their mascara isn't worth buying, but I am VERY picky about my mascara so when I find one or two that I like, it really takes a big risk or chance for me to change my purchase on mascara - like my eye brows I don't have many lashes so when I find a mascara that can make my lashes nice and long I don't stray from my brands there.
As far as I am concerned I haven't had a problem with their products and I REALLY like them for their low prices. They are definitely worth and order to try, you aren't going to put yourself in the hole by trying their products at such good prices. I spent like 45 dollars and look what I got, if I had bought make up at walmart like I usually do, I would have gotten two mascarra, some eye shaddow and a bottle of covergirl foundation for what I got from ELF. I will definitely be shopping at ELF more often. 

Stay Happy! 

Friday, 29 March 2013

It's Only Taken Three Weeks

I have been trying to write a blog about this for awhile now, but just haven't had the motivation to do it, or anything at all in fact. I've been really deep in a self pity mode for a week or so. I always let my depression get the best of me, it's a constant struggle. It just overwhelms me with bad feelings and "you might as well give up" thoughts, when really I know that's not who I am and if anyone knows me really well they know that if I want something I'll make sure I get it. 
So anyway, I went through a rough couple days of staying in bed all day and really feel sorry for myself, and I've been there before, about the same time last year only in February. I was very depressed and not pleased with my life at all. The difference this year is that things aren't half as bad and that's what got me out of bed yesterday. Even though nothing is really "great" in my life right now, I've come a long way from last year. Yes, I quit school and moved back to my hometown, but I did it because I wanted to start a studio there and I was DONE with school and it was making me miserable. I went through some rough stuff  with an old relationship that should have stayed old, but now I know that we are NEVER going work, then with George passing and being laid off after buying house, really got me down. 
Then I started to look at the good side of things. I have a house, thats one step closer to having my studio, I mean now I am in debt, but I have a place to have a studio and I'm not drowning, I'm still ahead of my mortgage, okay well maybe I'm getting alittle tired of trying to make myself float but I am learning and making it work. I've been getting little jobs here and there and making some money. It's almost spring! It's so nice out today. I have an amazing family that I don't know what I would do without, both my papa's are always here to help, one to paint over my awful paint jobs and one to plow me out when it snows, momma lenny is always there for me, my gram green is constantly checking in to make sure I'm okay and hooking me up with odd jobs, my gram gup is my gym buddy, and then the rest of my famjam for being there for family night or just in general. I have two awesome best friends, although they both live away I facetime with Jo everyday <3 and I wish I lived closer to both of them. They are the reason that I miss the city. I have all my furbabes, even though sometimes I worry that no one is every going to except and love me and my 6 furbabes, I know that they will always love me and I don't know what I would do without their cuddles every day.
My life isn't so bad. I pulled myself out of bed today at EIGHT THIRTY! I had to capitalize is because the earliest I have been waking up is noon. I told my Gram that she has to pick me up every morning and get my ass to the gym, I miss that energy boost and I need it in the morning not the afternoon. I want to be healthy so I went to the store yesterday and stocked up on good food. I would say fresh, but that's hard to say about food on this island. As I was leaving the grocery store a man that I have real respect for, came up to me that and gave me a pretty great compliment. He told me that he was so proud to that a girl at my age, bought a house on Grand Manan on her own without a man. This made me feel really great. I didn't really know what to do with such a compliment at the moment, but it really made my day. I never think of myself as independent on the inside, because I'm lonely and hate living alone, but I do it because in a way that's what I want right now, it's just hard to push through it.

Enough of all this talk, point is, I'm awesome, I'm young and I'm learning how to live on my own. 

First thing all these random bad luck moments were happening to me, and I was getting really upset with it. My mother says that because I think I have bad luck then bad things will happen, or if I have a bad attitude I bring it on myself. This is kind of true, but looking back I think that bad things just happen to us, and if we are already down then those bad things are magnified. These couple of things that I'm about to post, made me feel like my house had just burned down - which I'm alittle surprised hasn't happened yet. But now I find them really funny and it's very like me, that they happened. I'm always making a mess and usually it doesn't bother me, but when I was already having a rough time in my head it seemed alot worse. 

I flooded my bathroom and kitchen with the washing machine water. My laundry sink got clogged and over flowed. The bathroom door was closed and I was at the stove when all this water start rushing out from under the door. I was stunned and didn't believe that it was really happening. I had to use every towel in my house and some blankets. The ladder is in the bathroom because my chain from the light broke off and I still have no bathroom light. But it's all funny now. 
As for painting my office...well I start like three weeks ago and I wanted it to be orange like the orange in my logo, but to get that orange you need a clear based paint. They told me I would need a primer, but my papa says always try it without a primer. Mom and I chose only to start the orange on one wall, which was such a good idea because it took three coats and you could still see every stroke. So I cried alittle and mom went to buy the primer, 40 dollars later, we primed the walls except the orange one and then painted orange over the primer and it was just as bad if no alittle worse! So I said I was done with this clear based orange and was going to prime the two orange walls and go with a different color. 
Mom was too busy doing her own thing so I was going to prime the orange walls myself. I got one done and was about to start the second when I tripped on the second rung on the ladder and this happened. I can still hear myself yelling "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" as I grabbed globs of paint as it fell to the floor. I ran through my kitchen and into the bathroom to grab a towel to wipe my hands, trying not to trail too much paint through those rooms. I grabbed my cell and called mom to come help. As I was trying to clean some of the paint up, I slipped and got it all over myself. I was quite a mess when mom showed up and through the tears I had managed to scoop some of the primer back into the can, because I wasn't buying another can to finish painting that last wall. My grandfather found alot more humor at my mess than I did and agreed to finish painting the office for me the next week. Thank God, because it would be everywhere if I was to do it in the mood I've been in. The ceiling would have ended up the same color as the walls. 

Here is the finished product. 

I'm not as fond of the pink as I was the orange, but it will do for now. 

I have a couple other posts that I would like to get up today, but I'm not sure if that will happen. I have a student coming at three and I want to get out and putt around the yard and shower before she gets here. I'm going to take advantage of the nice day while I can :)

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

"It's ALIVE!!"

My mac that is, I've created no living monsters, unless you count myself. I couldn't me more excited to be back on my mac and done with pc using. You don't know what you had until it's gone, and you don't know how bad it can get until you use a pc. Ha, I'm kind of joking, because it wasn't THAT bad using a pc, but I much rather use a mac. Sorry to all you pc users out there, they are more affordable. Speaking of affordable, I couldn't be more happy that it did happen to turn out to be a simple fix, the batter was knocked loose and something was bent, but it's all better now, Mac is bent back in place and up and running again. This was the first good luck I've had in awhile!

Yesterday was a busy day, probably because I slept half of it and then only had a few hours to get everything done before family/ladies game night. I hadn't really pitched in on making anything for food yet, so I wanted to bring some yumminess to the table last night. After the abundance of food that was brought last night we've decided that we need to start planning on who is going to bring what from now on or we're all going have to starve ourselves for three days before game night or we will all triple in size. So next week we are all thinking that fruit and veggies should be our main snack haha 

Here are some photos from game night, they are basically photos of Jennilyn's girls because, well look at them, they're just too cute not to focus on! 


Lib, checking aunt Julie's cards :) 

It was too much work for her, what a sweetheart <3 

Playing the talking game!

And she's back up to cheer us on!

I've got a busy weekend ahead of me! And I also had a pretty productive day today. I finished editing all the GO GO Grand Manan photos, which I've been trying to get done for a couple weeks now. This computer mess as been such a hassle and I've been babysitting and tutoring lately. Now that I have the mac back I've also got to get business things together, finish up my presentation for the highschool, start planning out a better lesson plan for my volunteer photo class in the elementary wing and try to clean out my lightroom of all 8000+ photos. Oh and plus keep posting regularly. I would like to make a couple more new things this week and if the snow ever melts I would LOVE to get outside and work around the yard.

Stay Happy Everyone! 

Saturday, 16 March 2013

Cuban Fries

Cuban wedges on the epicure crisper pan!
So with the left over pieces of salmon and not much time to make supper, before I blogged about it and shower before going to babysit, so this will be a quick yummy post. I chopped up some potatoes for wedges, through them in a plastic baggie with olive oil and Cuban spices (by epicure) and threw them on my crisper (by epicure as well) and tossed them in the oven for a 45 mins, I like my fries alittle crispy. The Cuban spices are JUST right for me. I don't like really hot spices, but this had just enough to feel the heat in my mouth but wasn't overwhelming. And where the salmon sat in the lemon juice all night and after I warmed it up I think I enjoyed it more as a leftover! Here's a photo of my food creation of the day :) (also I has a really good brunch, but I didn't have my memory card on my for my camera and mother had the computer, so I will have to recreate it another day)


Stay Happy!

Friday, 15 March 2013

Here's To Hoping I Didn't Poison Myself

cut up some lemon slices to go
under the salmon
So I made supper tonight. That sounds pretty normal right? but it really isn't that normal for me. Sure I know how to cook, but when I haven't been strictly trained at something I'm scared of messing it up. I have no confidence when it comes to new things. Especially cooking. I have like 3 things I learned to cook from my mother and that's basically what I've lived on for the last 4 years of my life. Shake-n-Bake, pork chops and steak. And that's just with like a marinade rub from the store. Nothing fancy, just something quick and hard to screw up. I see all these awesome looking meals on pinterest and think "I'm pinning that! I'll make that someday" ... who are we kidding we all pin things that we never get around to. I'm changing that. I REALLY want to start cooking and baking more. I get so bored with things and need change constantly. So here's to more recipe posts from me! And here's to hoping that I didn't just poison myself with the salmon I made tonight. I really don't know how its supposed to turn out, but I ate it anyway.
I never understand when I call my mother and ask her "how do I know if the salmon (or any meat) is okay to eat?" and she replies with "well does it smell okay to eat?" SERIOUSLY?!?! what RAW meat smells okay to eat. Sure I know that really bad meat is going to have a really bad smell, but what about meat that's in that iffy category...the "putting me in your stomach could be a good or bad thing at this point, you'll just have to find out" stage. So I smelt my salmon, and it smelled like salmon and to me, raw salmon doesn't smell that nice to begin with, but it had just been in the freezer and I had put it in the fridge over night to thaw. Mom said if it was freezer burnt it would just be alittle tough around the edges. I'm not one of those germ-o-phobes that are scared of getting sick or anything, and I don't care if there is blood in my steaks and stuff like that. I've had food poisoning and I lived. But still I like to know if something is going to make me deathly ill or kill me. It didn't look like it was going to threaten my life so I started whipping up my supper. I also made a little photoshoot of it. I never cared for food photography, but it was fun trying to make it look good.

PLEASE if you see something in these photos that is a warning sign that I shouldn't have ingested this meat, please point it out to me so that I know for next time. It's alittle late now.

use a piece of tin foil large enough to wrap your salmon in. I had
plenty...maybe double what I need, it was good and wrapped.
This was my favorite photo from supper!(below)  Add some butter to the top of the salmon, the lemons on top aren't necessary, but they were left over, so I just threw them on top. I also added some "Cuban" epicure selections spice too it. Should have added more though.

I cooked it on 375 for like 30 minutes. I really can't say for sure because I checked on it like a crazy woman. I was really unsure what the white stuff was all over it. That's the only thing that concerned me. It reminded me of the white stuff when you cook lobster, I'm pretty sure my father told me that it's what they're blood looks like when it's cooked. I really have no idea. The salmon tasted fine, maybe alittle too much lemon and not enough Cuban spice. The lemon definitely overpowered everything. Next time I won't put any on the top and hopefully won't have so much salmon to cook at once. Oh well left overs for tomorrow!

I would call this supper a successful first try. It tasted pretty good and I got some good photos out of it. Although my stomach feels alittle funny lol I'm pretty sure that's probably the panic of thinking my own cooking will be the death of me. If tonight was me "last supper" just know that I love you all hahaha

I hope you all enjoyed my first "Recipe Test" blog post. I've got to go get some things together before I go babysitting tonight.

Stay Happy!!

When It Rains It Pours...And Then It Floods

As some of you may know I'm having some pretty shitty luck these days. No work, no money and things are piling up. How come when something awful happens, bad things just seem to keep happening for a weeks or months after it. I don't question the big Guy up there, but really aren't we taught not to kick someone when they're down. Come off it please! I know this is just a life lesson for me and it's supposed to make me stronger, but really enough is enough already. Atleast send me alittle love! I guess when it rains it pours, and then it floods and fills your life until you're drowning in a mess of life, barely keeping your head above the swell and just when you think it's done you in, you get pulled from the water. Well I'm at the point where I'm struggling to keep my head out of the murky depths and I'm losing faith that doggy paddling is going to keep me from sinking much longer.
The good part is I'm starting to find the humour in all this bad luck and troublesome situations I've been having. One thing that has really start to make my heart ache is not seeing my kidlets and babes. I did get a chance to see my girl a few days ago and when she lit up as I opened the car door I could have broke down in tears. I miss that little diva more than anyone will ever know. Kids have a way of grabbing ahold of your heart and not letting it go. But I was trying to talk about good things right? Anyway I've finally settled on a livingroom setup that I like and will probably keep for awhile. I don't know how many times I move my furniture around in a month. It's alittle chilly today but I did take 5 or 10 minutes to poke around the yard and ponder on what I'm going to do when it gets alittle warmer. I could have done more, but I didn't.
On the other hand I am volunteering at the school teaching photography for 40 minutes to grades 3-5. Just a little workshop thing they are starting, but it gives me a chance to see some of the afterschooler's from work. It's a bit of a kid fix. I'm really excited though because I'm finding my passion again and I took some photos with my newest lens. Trying to get better acquainted with it considering my multi-purpose lens is on the fritz and it's just another thing that I need to get repaired. My camera could use a good cleaning too, so I've got to look into that as well. Here are a couple (and I would have uploaded more, but this stupid pc and blogger aren't working together and it's only letting me make two photos big. But I'll throw in a small one to the right because I have some many cute photos that I want to show).
I'm not sure if anyone will know what I am talking about when I say this, but I really want to know how to take indie photos. It's really just a popular style these days. it's usually a low contrast with some sun flare, but I haven't mastered it yet. Sometimes it's a lot of photoshop, which I do know my way around, but I'm more of a lightroom kind of girl. Once I get my mac back, I'm going to try and sit down and figure out the photoshop way of doing "indie" photos. My friend, Cassidy is also wondering the same thing. A lot of really cute blogs have this kind of effect on their photos, and even in fashion it's popping up more and more. I don't mean to follow the trend, but I really do like the film-ish look that these photos have. It's really rustic and rich. I pretty much have a whole board on pinterest dedicated to this style of photo. These photos of my furbabes are my first attempt at sitting down with lightroom and trying to create the look. It's a good first try, but I'm not completely satisfied. Aren't they just adorable though?

I feel so disconntected from my world without my mac. I have barely been able to work on my photo life and I can barely put out a decent blog post. I really can't wait to make a post of all the lovely homeowning joys that I've had lately, but it probably won't be for awhile. I'll have to catch you all up. (all like 3 of you haha) Which also brings me to the fact that I want to try and start blogging better. I really don't know how to get followers or bring an audience to my blog. I really don't think there are many people out there that would want to follow along with me sometimes. I'm all over the place with my posts, I'm more of lifestyle blogger, then any other topic. Which makes me feel like no one wants to follow along with me. But maybe there are some people out there that will.

I hope everyone is keeping their chins up and smiles big!

Stay Happy!

Friday, 1 March 2013

The First of May!...oh wait it's only March

I know I am not the only one that feels like it should be spring already. I know that winter doesn't usually end for us until close to the end of March. Which is a whole month away from now. This is very depressing, but looking back at the past couple of months, they've gone by pretty fast. Which is also quite scary, because looking back at those months, I did nothing extraordinarily productive... my life has been somewhat put on hold.

I have got some good things going though. I invested in a can of paint to paint my what is a dining room but is going to be an office space until I build my studio. Which brings me to the work that I have been doing on my business, that's been pretty productive, BUT I also looked at it at another angle and realized that it's still going to be a good year or so before I can get enough money together to pitch my business and get a loan. So I'm still going to have to do it un-offcially for awhile. My mac is almost at it's 3 year mark and it's feeling it. Any that knows me, know that I am not a gentle person, I'm tough on shit and am always breaking things. I hate this about myself and I try to be more careful, but I'm always breaking something. People think it's because I'm careless, but really shit just kept happening, so I try to care LESS when it does so that I'm not crying all the time about the shit that I break lol Anyway, I was also examining my main lens which is almost four years old, and it too is having some issues, might be an easy fix, it just doesn't seem to be attaching to my camera body correctly.
Back to good things. I hosted an epicure party last night, because I love their products! I like that it's somewhat healthy dip, by that I mean that it's better for you than stuff you by at the store, and really tasty! I'm doing quite good in sales and hopefully will get just a little bit more so I can get some more free stuff! My next thing isn't productive, but it did make my happy, I'm all caught up on New Girl, I am a little bit in love with Zoey Deschanel, or maybe alot and I think she's just perfection. The show always makes me good about life, so I've just been watching that the past two days. Oh and I'm sleeping alot, but I like sleep so that doesn't bother me, I'm really just mixed up, I sleep most of the day and stay up all night. I'm backwards, that's what happens when I have nothing to do. I prefer being awake at night.

My biggest and final awesome thing is that I am down to 222.5 which I am excited about.

Stay Happy!

Friday, 22 February 2013

Playing Catch Up

Here are some things that I have been up to over the past couple of weeks. I haven't really posted a "life" post in awhile, I'll chat about this and that, here and there, but here is a couple chunk of my life in instagrams.

There was a bad storm a couple weekends ago, Nemo, I think was it's name. I went to my mothers house to brave the storm, incase the power went out and I wouldn't be stuck alone at my place with no heat and in the dark. I'm a big baby, I would have cried. Turns out the power only went out in moms part of the island and another up the island. My house had power the whole storm, but we were stuck at moms house together, with no heat or that bit me in the ass. Then the day after the storm ended, we found out that a piece of moms roof blew off, froze the pipes in the back bedroom and one burst. Talk about a major racket! I woke up to a waterfall in the kitchen. Papa and I tried our best to fix it, but he's having alot of back problems and then caught the flu and I'm just no plumber/furnace pipe fixer.
I do have storm stayed post in my previous posts of what I did durning the storm, this was the aftermath that is caused and I didn't blog about.

Then the next day, Jackson, my BioBro gave us all a scare and is super lucky that he didn't flip her car when he went off the road on a bad corner of the island. Although he can be a reckless driver, this wasn't because of him. It was raining and the roads had black ice on them, so it could have been anyone, especially on that corner and not 2 or 3 weeks before this there was another accident just a bit farther from the corner. We're all just glad he's okay!

Next was one of my gym buddies birthdays! Ashley, she turned 23 and we're all still in disbelief of our age. Coming from a small town we've known each other for years. Over our gym date and a birthday dinner we reminisces about old times. I mentioned this in a post on the 13th, my weigh in. Here are a couple photos, Ryker, her son licking frosting off a knife and Ashley blowing out her candles :) That cake was delicious! This was also the first time I got to see Ashley's house, it's such a cute home!

Speaking of houses...I finally got my piano out of my house and I was so grateful to the man that took it that I didn't even take money for it. Maybe that was alittle stupid, but that's how bad I wanted it gone! Here are the photos of my living room now that it no longer takes up half of it!

I love this little stand that I found in the basement! I was able to set out some really cute stuff in my livingroom
They aren't the greatest photos of it, but it's better than nothing and I really like how it's set up now. I love having my tv in front of the windows :)

My FAVORITE thing about the past couple weeks is that I got called into work for valentines day! I was SO happy to see my babes and kidlets. I could cry everyday that I'm not at work because I miss that so much. And don't get me started on the baby fever. I went from having a nursery of 6 kids for 8 hours a day and now I have none! I would pop out one if it were possible to make one by myself and it not cost anything to do it. Plus you can't just pop those things out over night. It would take some time to grow it...But anyway here are some photos from that day at work!

My Little Love Bug <3 thought the valentine paint might taste as good at the cookies they just had at snack

I can't explain to you how much I missed my main man! I could have cried when I walked into the
classroom and he came running up to me. We were stuck together most of the day <3 

I have really missed my Brycer Boy, he's my main photoshoot man. Loves the camera and making silly faces!

At the end of the week we all celebrated another friends birthday! It was nice to get together with a group of girls to have some pre-celebratory card games and then head to camp to meet up with everyone else. And what would a good night be without some selfies before all the hot mess came out? Here are some photos of the night we celebrated Courtney's 22nd birthday. Why I have no photos of the bday girl is beyond me.

Deeanne's a pro at caesar making, I personally hate them, but I give her props for the how they look :) 

Dee and Maddy
To top the night off, my ex's ex was at the party and after deciding he
doesn't deserve either of us and isn't worth the fight, we decided to
snap a shot of the moment. It took me awhile to remember this the
next day. 

I've been trying to get some stuff done around the house and one thing that I did get done that I had been waiting to do for a long time was a jewelry holder. I have dangly earrings and there is nothing worse than not having a place to hang them. I never would have come up with something on my own so I thank God for pinterest.

I love it, but I need to pain the bottom hanger!
Oh, here is my giant Bunner! Isn't he the cutest <3 

Last week we decided that the women in the family would start getting together more and having game night. So far it's been just the girls, but maybe we will allow the men is later. It's been a blast. The first week we did it on valentines day and Chris out did herself with treats and decorations. We had so many laughs and it was a great time. I think this week was ever better! Not only do I love the games and the girls, but I love Jennilyn's baby, Libby. She's got to be the cutest baby ever and Cammy her older daughter is such a beauty and talk about hysterical! She's really started to come out of her shell! I think she was set on repeat last night.

Look at those eyes! isn't she just gorgeous! She makes me want to have a baby of my own, or kidnap her!

We played rumoli last night and it was such a good time. 

Next thrusday is my epicure party, so game night will be on wednesday at Julie's this time. And then we will all get together again on thursday for some yummy dips :) I will try to remember to get some photos of both events!

That's basically the past two.five weeks of my life.

Stay Happy!!