When It Rains It Pours...And Then It Floods

As some of you may know I'm having some pretty shitty luck these days. No work, no money and things are piling up. How come when something awful happens, bad things just seem to keep happening for a weeks or months after it. I don't question the big Guy up there, but really aren't we taught not to kick someone when they're down. Come off it please! I know this is just a life lesson for me and it's supposed to make me stronger, but really enough is enough already. Atleast send me alittle love! I guess when it rains it pours, and then it floods and fills your life until you're drowning in a mess of life, barely keeping your head above the swell and just when you think it's done you in, you get pulled from the water. Well I'm at the point where I'm struggling to keep my head out of the murky depths and I'm losing faith that doggy paddling is going to keep me from sinking much longer.

 

The good part is I'm starting to find the humour in all this bad luck and troublesome situations I've been having. One thing that has really start to make my heart ache is not seeing my kidlets and babes. I did get a chance to see my girl a few days ago and when she lit up as I opened the car door I could have broke down in tears. I miss that little diva more than anyone will ever know. Kids have a way of grabbing ahold of your heart and not letting it go. But I was trying to talk about good things right? Anyway I've finally settled on a livingroom setup that I like and will probably keep for awhile. I don't know how many times I move my furniture around in a month. It's alittle chilly today but I did take 5 or 10 minutes to poke around the yard and ponder on what I'm going to do when it gets alittle warmer. I could have done more, but I didn't.

On the other hand I am volunteering at the school teaching photography for 40 minutes to grades 3-5. Just a little workshop thing they are starting, but it gives me a chance to see some of the afterschooler's from work. It's a bit of a kid fix. I'm really excited though because I'm finding my passion again and I took some photos with my newest lens. Trying to get better acquainted with it considering my multi-purpose lens is on the fritz and it's just another thing that I need to get repaired. My camera could use a good cleaning too, so I've got to look into that as well. Here are a couple (and I would have uploaded more, but this stupid pc and blogger aren't working together and it's only letting me make two photos big. But I'll throw in a small one to the right because I have some many cute photos that I want to show).

 

I'm not sure if anyone will know what I am talking about when I say this, but I really want to know how to take indie photos. It's really just a popular style these days. it's usually a low contrast with some sun flare, but I haven't mastered it yet. Sometimes it's a lot of photoshop, which I do know my way around, but I'm more of a lightroom kind of girl. Once I get my mac back, I'm going to try and sit down and figure out the photoshop way of doing "indie" photos. My friend, Cassidy is also wondering the same thing. A lot of really cute blogs have this kind of effect on their photos, and even in fashion it's popping up more and more. I don't mean to follow the trend, but I really do like the film-ish look that these photos have. It's really rustic and rich. I pretty much have a whole board on pinterest dedicated to this style of photo. These photos of my furbabes are my first attempt at sitting down with lightroom and trying to create the look. It's a good first try, but I'm not completely satisfied. Aren't they just adorable though?

 

 

 

 

 

I feel so disconntected from my world without my mac. I have barely been able to work on my photo life and I can barely put out a decent blog post. I really can't wait to make a post of all the lovely homeowning joys that I've had lately, but it probably won't be for awhile. I'll have to catch you all up. (all like 3 of you haha) Which also brings me to the fact that I want to try and start blogging better. I really don't know how to get followers or bring an audience to my blog. I really don't think there are many people out there that would want to follow along with me sometimes. I'm all over the place with my posts, I'm more of lifestyle blogger, then any other topic. Which makes me feel like no one wants to follow along with me. But maybe there are some people out there that will.

I hope everyone is keeping their chins up and smiles big!

Stay Happy!

When Life Gives You Lemons, Say I Like Watermelon Better

Life has really been kicking me in the ass lately. I'm trying not to complain too much about it, because some pretty good things have been happening too. There are always three ways to look at things - positively, negatively and obliviously. I am trying to keep positive, but sometimes that can be really hard to do.

The past couple of days I've actually been in a pretty good mindset. Thursday I started staying at my house alone (I will get to why after) and spent some "me" time on getting some things ready for work and catching up on tv shows. Friday I put my tree in and decorated it, while also having it fall on top of me in the process. It really did look beautiful after it was completed. Saturday I woke up and got ready to head of to the annual Christmas Market that is held in our community every year, I spent alittle cash and headed home with a bag full of goodies. Once I arrived back home, I got this fantastic urge to clean. I re-arranged my pantry and cupboards, cleaned my kitchen, porch and laundry room. It didn't take me long and I felt awesome about what I had accomplished, I hadn't cleaned that much since I had moved in. 

Living alone has really made me not only bored, but it has seemed to free up some of my time. Instead of always cuddling on the couch watching tv shows, I'm wandering around the house looking for something to do. 

Now about why I am living alone. It's not something that I want to elaborate on too much, but most people know that Justin and I have our fair share of problems in our relationship, but we also have our own individual problems and issues. He is manic depressive and suffers from anxiety with a touch of bi-polar and I'm OCD with depression and weight issues. But we want to be together and we fight for and work together or try to atleast. Justin has an addictive personality and I have a high novelty seeking personality. So I am always searching for a change or something new when he is stuck on one thing. So he's gotten himself into a bit of a mess with alcohol and it's really become too much for me to help him control. I have a bad temper and because I don't understand why he can't just "stop" we always end up fighting and when he's been drinking, his temper isn't that great either. He's moved back to his parents so that he can hopefully get past this problem and we can eventually go back to living together. But with alcohol came the sneaking and the lying, which is something that I hate the most. I HATE lying and although I do it on occasion because I am not perfect, my guilt will eat me alive about it. But most of the time I just don't understand it, if a friend asks me to lie to someone for them, most of the time it ends up hilarious because I can't wrath my head around the reason someone would want to lie and then I can't come up with anything that would make sense to say. That's beside the point though, because of how many lies have been in our relationship lately, my trust is just about gone and it really hurts me to say that. I used to be such a trusting person and now I barely trust anyone. 

I stayed with my mother last night because of a life changing event for her, she got her very first computer...and I had to teach her how to use it. Although training has just begun, she does have an email, facebook and pinterest account and can work all those herself. So day one of training went well. I stayed tonight because today was a very "blah" day, I slept most of it and when I went home my beautiful christmas tree had fallen down and a bunch of ornaments were broken and I just was too aggravated to be home, so I locked up and came back down to my mothers after standing up and tying the tree off. Atleast I get to go through the fun of re-decorating my tree. 

Some good things that I've got going right now other than having my house clean and teaching my mother the ways of the "current world" I am working on a new project for work. As an educator in a daycare, we have to document what the infants and children do and learn, how they live their lives at daycare. It's my favorite thing about work, because I get to use my photography and photoshop skills at my job, which I didn't think I would get to use much, but I bring quite a bit to the table when it comes to documenting. Right now I am working on video documenting, when I quit art school to move back to my hometown I was learning about video. I had been really excited about it until the worst of my depression had hit and I stopped going to school or even getting out of bed. So I'm starting to teach myself and working on a few projects. The BG Club has video equipment, so maybe as I learn more I can start using some of their tools later on. 

My biggest news of all and probably the reason that I haven't given up after all this alcohol craziness (which by the way has made me hate booze and I have been sober myself since August, whoop whoop go me!) is TomTom. TomTom is a cerebellar hypoplasia kitten. A litter of kittens that the St. Stephen SPCA took in were affected by the disorder. Most of the kittens are mildly affected with very little displays of the condition, two of the kittens are moderately affected, TomTom being the most affected. What is Cerebellar Hypoplasia? They also call it drunken sailor or wobbler kitten, it affects the cerebellum in the developing stages in the womb. Sometimes if a pregnant cat is vaccinated during her pregnancy it can cause this disorder in her kittens, or if the cerebellum is damaged somehow during a kittens term in the womb. The kittens motor skills are affected and some kittens may have only mild tremors, moderate walking troubles or some kittens can have CH so severely that they will never walk. The one thing to remember about these kitties is that they are in no pain and don't realize they are any different from their fellow cats. Sure they do feel it when they bump into the wall or fall, but I don't have CH and I probably have more bruises and cuts than this kitten. 

I didn't plan on adoption another cat for a couple of years. I just took in a kitten from a local family and she was infested with fleas, so after cleaning her up and getting her back to a healthy kitten state. I said no more cats. Then I read about TomTom and it touched my heart in a way I can't explain, maybe it's because I've worked with special needs kids or on some level believe I'm kinda "special" myself. But I just had a feeling that TomTom was for me. I emailed right away, but felt the need to make sure that TomTom was adopted by me that I called the SPCA, you know I am serious about something when I pick up the phone and actually speak to someone. I HATE phone calls. So after waiting for paperwork to go through and cheques to be received they finally told me a week later that TomTom will be mine :) 

I was so speechless and excited when I found out. Yes my house is full of animals, yes I like it and no I don't care that you think I shouldn't have four cats, a dog and a giant bunny, but I do and I love them all more than I like most people. These days I have become a home body and keep to myself alot, those four cats, a dog and a giant bunny are my family. We share a 3bdrm house and although they don't pitch in on chores, I don't mind cleaning up after them, cause I love them. 

Here is a photo (right) and a video of TomTom. I am not sure what I am going to name him once he moves in, so I am just calling him what his name is at the shelter, I don't mind TomTom and maybe it will even stay that, but I want to meet him first before I decide on a name. For more information about CH cats visit HERE.

So far he has been able to take 10 steps without falling over, hopefully with practice and muscle development he will walk alittle farther as her grows. If he doesn't thats okay too, we'll love him anyway :)

Stay Happy! <3 and don't be afraid to adopt an animal with special needs, read up about there care and understand what they are dealing with, don't go over your head either! But animals with special needs deserve loving homes too :)

Happy Canada Day!

I am definitely proud to be a Canadian and this weekend we did lots of celebrating as it wasn't only canada's birthday but my cousin was also celebrating her 17th birthday this weekend with the whole family. It was an awesome get together and for once we were all present for most of it. My family is pretty close and what I mean by family is my grandparents, mother and her two sisters and all the grand kids. I also had a BIG yardsale that I went to, I mentioned in another post that I had been to a yardsale not too long ago and bought some really nice glass bottles and some other items, I may not have mention and meant to. I am a huge yardsale fanatic and would seriously buy everything I needed from a yardsale rather than new from the store, most things anyway. I'll post some recent yardsale finds in this entry. 

So appreciative that a few parents have given me permission to use photos of the  kids for work!
They are all sooo adorable. The art work is something the kids put together for summer
 this past week, some pretty flowers and busy bees! 

Friday night a bunch of family and some friends got together to celebrate Megan's
birthday! Top: My aunts and I, Tonia- or as I refer to her as BioDad, Claudine
and then Myself.  Bottom: a few of old friends and family with a
couple of new friends. 

Top - Bottom, Right to Left. Matt building us a fire, Papa enjoying a s'more, Megan and Abbie, Papa setting off roman candles,
everyone sitting around the fire, again - we did this for the past three nights. Everyone out for a family walk at sunset, and today
we moved couches in the heat and BioDad was a bit crunched up in the back. 

Fireworks in the yard! :P don't worry we had a fire fighter in the family haha

There was alot of food involved this weekend.

We like to do a lot of things together as a family, including walks, lamp lit grass basketball and
shaving heads. Megan and I took it upon ourselves to shave Jackson's head, neither of us have
done it before. How hard can it be? It's not like we could mess up haha

My Dog T-Bear shed's awful! He's a ShepardxHusky and the hair just falls off him all year. He looks
much better after the brushing! 

A neighbor and friend has a ton of kittens at their house that are just tooooo cute. I wish I could take them
all or even one but I have too many animals. The little white one is the runt and she is so dainty and cute,
 then this guy on the right is a little fluffy thing but has a rat tail :P I'm excited to see how it looks
as he grows up. 

Mayor is a bit of an escape artist so when he got out again we decided his
new cage NEEDED to get built, so my mothers boyfriend was so nice as
to build out. Right as it was finished we got a tip of where Mayor had been
spending the afternoon and were able to catch him. 

Tinka is re-united with her bestie in his new pen! He likes it and hates it
at the same time, at first he thought he could go right through it, but has
given up on that now. In the bottom picture you can really tell where
his ear was broken, probably from being picked up by his ears as a baby

The first photos is the bird feeder that I bought at the yardsale for $2. I brought
it home as a project and wanted to do it right away. So I painted it up and
hung it outside of the house :) 

Bought a bunch of old camera equipment :) I collect this stuff if anyone has things they don't want!
Just hinting :P 

I love colored glass and I couldn't resist these beautiful bottles.

The photo doesn't do the plates justice. They're from Egypt but I don't know anything else about them. 

Those are some of my yardsale finds, but there are LOTS more that I've collected over the past couple of weeks. This weekend I also bought two cushioned chairs and an antique baby crib. I have a bit of a problem when it comes to buying things at yardsales. Some stuff I buy to fix up and sell, now to later. 

Overall I had a great weekend of festivities and spending money. 

Stay Happy! 

Numbness And Pain At Once

The past couple of days have been alittle rough, for the people around me and for myself. Friday night I went out to this GORGEOUS house at the back of the island. The owner is a wonderful sweet woman who is gorgeous herself and has wonderful taste and style! There were six of us women, I being the youngest and feeling a bit immature, but that was my own insecurities and worries. The women welcomed me and didn't pay any mind to my age difference. It was a perfect evening of laughs and wine along with a broccoli bread treat representing certain parts of the body ;) haha Later in the evening a friend got a disturbing text that soon turned the evening into confusion and sadden hearts for our friend. As the night turned into very early morning feels changed to anger and support. This woman is one of the kindest, sweetest and most beautiful and viewed as the perfect wife. She never deserved the blow that her husband mistakenly texted her over the girls night. She has been through more than anyones share of hardships in her life and she's pushed through it all, she's independent, smart, strong, and calm - even when we all expect her to go psycho and for good reason. She'll make it through this, but she will need her friends and family to catch her when she feels weak <3

Yesterday, I slept in and bummed around the house most of the day, working away at photos and cleaning, along with some pinning and watching tv shows. My mother and I decided to go out to camp for a girls night with our dear friend and some of her family. It was a great night of laughs, food and nostalgic talks of the past. I enjoyed listening to the stories of the older woman of their childhood and "younger" years.

Photos From Yesterday

kinda bored waiting to go to camp

my calli's been fighting with her ex

we aren't normal.

or I'm not anyway

ready for raining dark harbour

Dark harbour

ladies <3 

I came home from camp and picked up the mail at midnight and my parcel had arrived. A few weeks ago I had ordered old photos off of Etsy.com. I collect camera's and photos, especially old cameras and photos. I love most vintage items, but being a photographer I love old photos. They are someone's memories and moments from their life and I like to look at the photos and think of who these people were, good or bad, what were their secrets?,  jobs?, fears? and lost more. 

And now for the part of my weekend that I hated most. When I was 12 or 13 I was diagnosed with migraines and for years in highschool I would get one to three migraines a month. I would lose my peripheral vision and have blind spots in my eyes, numbness in my fingers and lips, then the pain for start and I could be out for a couple of days each time. Some people didn't believe me, including my parents at first. My mother started to believe me the first time I lost feeling in my right arm. I couldn't move it very well and it felt like stone or that it wasn't there at all. It was just my fingers to my elbow. I have been known to be a drama queen at times, but I have been through alot of painful things, dry sockets after my wisdom teeth were removed. My parents didn't believe me so they went untreated for 2 weeks. I don't blame my parents, because when I was a child I had to have a band-aid for every cut and bruise. And illness made great excuses for skipping school when I got older. But they were no excuse and when people would say things to make me believe that they didn't think I was being honest about the condition, I would wish they could understand how REAL migraines are. But I never wanted to wish that pain upon anyone. I've put myself through alot of shit, scooter accidents, dry sockets, nerve damage, tonsillitis and so many other things but migraines are by far the scariest and most painful. 

I have been on meds to try to prevent them and keep them at bay for a few years now and so far it works, I used to have two or three a month, now I have two or three a year. But when I have one it's big.

I had one of these last night, I woke up around 4, tossing and turning in pain, but I'm very disoriented when I wake up with one. I made justin go get my mother because I wasn't quite sure what was going on. Most of my vision was gone, but I could make out pieces of things, and my right arm all the way up to my elbow was numb and stone like. I didn't have much of a range of motion with it. Then my left did the same and I lost the feeling in my face and throat. I lose my speech as well, my words or slurred or backwards and I can't make full sentences. I sounds hilarious, but it's quite frustrating at the time :P 

I know there are MANY others out there that share the same condition I do, I just want you to know that you aren't alone when you're head is hurting sooo bad that it's painful to put a cold cloth to your forehead or lie your head on a pillow. Others know what you are going through. 

Stay Happy and Healthy! 

<3 

It Feels Like Forever

Holy shit it feels like it's been forever since I last posted and it hasn't even been that long! I've been soooo busy and so worn out that I can't even process everything that I have been doing and everything that's been going on. I REALLY need my job to start because my life is pure chaos when I don't have routine and there is nothing routine about my life right now. My head is spinning from just having no clue what I am doing day to day. So I am extremely excited for my job to start next month, which is a month later than I was hoping, but I will be picking up a few days on call over the next couple of weeks.

As for what has been going on with me over the past week and some here is a list :

Not so good things :

1. fallen off my organization track
2. fallen off my weight loss track
3. my bunny boy escaped his cage 
4. my womanly time of the month presented it's self for prom - nothing like being moody, bloated, and trying to keep my face blemish free before trying to walk the red carpet in 5 inch heels.

Good thing : 

1. found awesome buys at yardsales 
2. found my bunny after 2 days of horrible worry, but he seemed completely stress free lounging in the neighbors yard.
3. went to prom
4. went to prom party and got to see a bunch of people I hadn't seen for ages. 
5. got to see mostly all of my family for celebration of my biobro's graduation! we're all so proud of him! 
6. i had a couple days of work last week which was great to see all the kids :) 
7. i've taken ALOT of photos this week and done alot of editing, which is good, but bad for my headaches. 

And of course photos of things I have been working on and things that have been going on!! 

My Shepard/Husky Mix "T-Bear"

I bought three big things of flowers to lighten up the outside of my house
I should have left it alone, I am terrible at keeping plants alive.

I found the BEST thing I could have found at a yardsale,
a wooden filing cabinet, I've been looking for quite awhile. Callie thought
she would help me with some filing.

After his 2 day adventure, I caught him and put him back in his temporary cage. I am
building his new one this weekend! I would like to point out my skills with a jigsaw,
I cute out that wonderful arch in his house, which he doesn't like, but either way it's
a nice hole. 

Photo from a cap and gown shoot I did for Jackson

Photo from a cap and gown shoot I did for Jackson

It would appear that Jackson and I aren't really normal. As youngsters we beat the
crap out of each other, most of the time I came out the winner, but now he can
hold his own. Our prom shoot (Tonia/BioDad had the camera not me obviously)
was alittle odd :P 

But we can put on our normal faces and look pretty good :) 

My cousin Eric, on my fathers side also graduated! 

I was able to get a photo of justin and I together! 

As for photoshoots after prom, I had junior prom shoots and an infant shoot! Both went great as always, I think I might be fitting in another photoshoot maybe tomorrow with my aunt who is hear visiting from PEI.

Lauren

Katie

Zoey

A fun photo with the girls! 

Baby Grace

 I will be posting more photos from my shoots on my photo blog tomorrow, or rather today, but I need to get some sleep. You wouldn't think that sitting at a computer going through photos would make you tired, but honestly my eyes and brain feel like they are on fire. I need to get out and enjoy some fresh air tomorrow! Might drive around and visit some people or something.

Stay Happy :)

Looking Back On "New Goals" & More

Back in April I posted "New Goals," I figured I would update and see what I've actually gotten done and maybe make some more goals.

My goals back in April were : 

1. Getting My Daily Life Organized - I feel I've done a pretty good job getting myself organized, although I have been slacking off since I haven't been filling in much at work, but I do have to give myself credit for keeping on track with the things that I need to get done. I just haven't been writing it down. 
2. Get a Job - check! I do have a job, it hasn't started yet, because we still have to get approved, but I do have the position and I am on call until it starts up!
3. Lost More Weight - complete fail on this one. I haven't been good at all! I have been kicking myself in the ass for this one, I have basically just stayed within the same couple of pounds and this needs to stop. I've been trying to get out and do more, I've been doing lots of lawn work and what not, but overall I've been pretty "cozy." I would like to add that I have a boyfriend that can eat whatever the hell he wants and not gain a pound and it rubs off on me because I like to eat think that I can eat that way too, but I can't at all. So I've asked for support from him and I need to get my weightloss brain back in gear!
4. Finish Clearing A Space For The ChickenCoop and Garnden - This I accomplished, but then we decided that both of these things are going to have to be on hold until next year. Which I wasn't too please about, but time and money had to go into other projects, which is understandable.
5. Finish Preparing For Wedding #1 - Check and Cleared, the wedding was great. 
6. Finish Archiving - Made some progress, but far from finished, I still will be archiving in 2013...it's never ending. 
7. Buy A Prom Dress - Check! along with shoes, jewelry and a new hair do. 

A couple other things that I got accomplished were : Getting Mayor (our rabbit) moved down here, moved Justin down here, made a difference in the yard!, fenced in and cleared a path to the rhubarb patch, and kept up on my daily and weekly things to do. 

From the past couple of days these are things I documented

My BioBro's Graduation Party! Congrats Jackson!! See you on the red carpet for prom! 

Yard work! about 5x15 feet of what you see was very tall grass that I mowed. I also moved the bunny over
where his new pen will be.  

1's - flowers that I bought. 2 - giant lilac bush/tree that I chopped down this morning. 3. new bbq (where the bunny pen used to be all the way over to the other doorstep. 4. bird feeder. AND 5. which you can't see, but right inside the door where you can see my lovely mother tending to laundry, we got a new washer.

I've been craving lobster so my father brought me this beast tonight. Nothing like a lobster that is the
size of your dog. She wasn't impressed at all that I made her may beside him, took me five minutes to
convince her to stay.

My Tinka girl waiting for us to come to bed. 

Justin sleeping. 

Stay Happy! 

House Sitting and Hot Tubbing

This weekend I house and dog sat with my boyfriend, Justin, for my father and step mother. My bio bro and his girlfriend came over and we listened to music, told stories, watching horror movies and jumped in the hot tub, where we dodged june bugs. Steam doesn't make for good photos and june bugs don't make good for girls scared in the tub holding iphones. I put the phone up pretty quick before I was viciously attacked and accidentally dropped my phone in the water.

The next morning my cold had gotten worse and I wasn't really feeling up to much. Justin and I finished up watching "The Devil Inside," while finches and other birds fed from the suction cup bird feeder stuck to the window. When the movie was over I decided I would try to lure birds into the house by opening the door with the bird feeder on it. I had no luck, but one bird did come check us out, but flew back outside.

This weekend I had my stepmother's two shelties, Mai and Dilanna, my grandparents pom, Rosco, along with my own pom, Rosco's sister, Tinka. I had my hands full grooming and bathing on Saturday afternoon, but I love them all.

My little Tinka-Belle

And Rosco her brother, a bigger version of her. There isn't much differece
other than their coat and weight.

I wanted to get photos up of the temporary pen we have Mayor, our bunny in. Hopefully this weekend Justin and I will be constructing him a big new one in the backyard. I've decided that this year just isn't the right year to start a chicken coop. I am not giving up on it, but I think it'd be best to take care of other things before starting a new project. So composting and bunny pens are more on my mind right now. Mayor is starting to dig, so I will need to get him a new pen asap!

My Bunny Boy

And at last I get to my hair style. I get easily bored by my blonde hair. I'm so jealous of girls that can go blonde and then dark and then back to blonde but a different shade and then darker brown. I can't do this so easily. I have very light eyebrows, practically invisible, not to forget that my eyelashes are about the same, but I take care of that with layer of mascara. I know I could always pencil eyebrows in every morning, but do I really want to do that on top of the eyelashes I have to fake too!? So I decided I would do something alittle different that I have only seen once or twice. Once being on Cruella-Deville.

I didn't want to completely go "half and half" and because I part my hair off
center there is a layer of blonde to cover the dark brown , but I can pin the
layer back for the half and half look. (see below)

It's not a style for everyone, but it definitely satisfied my curiosity of
what I would look like with dark hair.

 Stay Happy!