How Do We Move Forward?

I wasn't quite sure how I would or if I wanted to even get out of bed this morning. Partly because there is such an emotional weight over this island I didn't know if I actually had the strength to drag myself out of bed and force myself to get ready for the day. I know my heart is broken, but I believe it to be so broken from this past month that it is numb from the pain. Why does this keep happening? I knew I shouldn't question life and death and who stays and goes after Dani moved on. But it's only alittle over a month since then and 3 more of our beloved community members, our loved ones, friends, heros, hard workers etc, have been claimed by a better place. Because it just seems that our small community keeps getting kicked while we are down I have to question "Why is this happening? Why them? Why couldn't they stay? Why does our community have to keep enduring what seems to be a summer of sorrow? When will it end? And of all questions, What next? And can our island stand anymore pain?" I know we can I know we will hold each other close and get through this, but it would be nice to have time to heal from one tragedy to another :( All of my heart and thoughts are with the friends and family members of the lost, along with all the response teams and funeral directors. I have to say that atleast each member of grand manan has felt some level of pain and grief from one of these accidents we are a full community in mouring. I love each and everyone of you out there <3 life is too short for hate, too short for hard feelings and too short not to love one another and be kind to each other. 

As Strong as an Island

We have fog in our hair and mist on our skin,

We're an island of love, we'll welcome you in.

We have waves at our feet and storms in our eyes, 

When one heart aches, the whole island cries. 

We're tangled in twine, held together by net, 

A community tied tight, with every need met.

A salty wind blows through each one of our souls, 

We're a ship you can't sink, on a big swell she rolls.

We have the sea in our veins and salt in our hearts,

When a tragedy strikes it cannot make us part. 

Community is family and we stand together as one,

This island will leave a mark that can't be undone. 

Stay strong Grand Manan <3 

I Do Not Feel Whole

Here I am again, writing another late night blog post to ease my mind in hopes of getting some rest. My mind and soul have been extremely restless and uneasy for the past couple of weeks. There are many things that are the roots of it, but I'm not here to write a lengthy complaint. I would like to say again that this blog is a release for me. I love my life and I'm so happy, but writing out my worries and troubles seems to bring some comfort, so I plan to write a happier post sometime! Haha 

Lately my mind, body and soul have literally felt like there is a piece of me missing. That piece is art. My desire to create is so great inside me, but my exhaustion, discouragement and stress keeps it from coming to the surface. I literally yurn for a time when I will be able to make art whether it be in photography of craft form, and not have so many things in my way. I know this time may never come and I will find a way to work around it all, but I lay in my bed so tired, just wanting to sleep and at the same time I want to get up and do what I really want to do.

I love my fulltime job. I love the kids I take care of and despite our daily arguments I love the lovely bunch of ladies I work with. But a lot of my stress and resentment always comes from my job. Not the job itself, but the amount of time it takes from my life. I need it to provide for myself, I need money, but it leaves me very little time after I take care of my other responsibilities, to have any time or energy to be creative. And that can make me grumpy. And then I get upset about how much the world runs on money and I could go on forever. 

I just want to write alittle something to remind myself that it will be okay. Everything comes at it's own time and although I may not have everything I want right now. I have everything I need and I will continue to receive more as it is meant to happen. You will be able to do what you desire someday soon, it's just not meant to be yet. Be patient and kind while you wait and you will be rewarded. 

On a higher note, I've got 3 of 6 quotes for my studio. Hoping to have the rest and hit the bank next week. I really want to get this studio accomplished this summer/fall/beforewinterhits haha 

Stay positive, happy, healthy and artistic!