Confusion

Sometimes life can be a huge bitch. In one part of your life she's throwing you awesome things and in another she's making you feel like a bag of shit. And you have to do something about it, but you don't know what. That is how I feel like now, I'm not really ready to talk about the actual subjects, because I don't know which way to go about things. I just know in one part of my life I'm haven't been feeling very happy, in a couple actually. I've always pushed myself to be happy, but sometimes you have to struggle through parts of your life and handle the pain before you can get happy. I'm trying to decide whether this struggle is worth it and if it's ever going to change.

I know that I haven't been blogging alot, it's because I've been busy with work and trying to figure things out. I had to blog tonight because it keeps my mind off crying and I've been doing alot of crying lately. And with my depression issues, I just really hate realizing how much I've been crying, when looking back 4 months ago and I was extremely happy.

I keep pushing myself forward in life in hopes that things will get better and really isn't it how it works? You just keep moving and eventually things get better? But aren't there those people that keep pushing and moving and nothing ever changes for them? I'm afraid of being one of those people. It's not that I'm afraid of changing, I'm just afraid of not trying hard enough or making a wrong decision or not giving something a chance.

I'm feeling really low about life right now. I can't even feel happy about my house and that I only have two weeks, because these two weeks have been hell, so I can't look forward to the next ones being much better.

Try and stay happy, I know I'm trying.